Someday I'll go where there ain't no rain or snow

Fandom

2004-08-07T10:39:07Z

I was going to do this after work, but I really feel the need to do it now. I don't really know why. I got the idea last night while I was trying to get to sleep, and I really want to do it.

So, I've been wondering a lot about fandom lately. Because it seems like for the past two weeks all fandom has been about is bashing and ranting and hating each other. Now I know that there is not one person on my friends page that got into fandom because they wanted to be hurt or wanted to hurt people. No one got into fandom just so they could call people stupid or be called stupid. We got into fandom because it's fun, and because we wanted to meet people with the same interests as us. Or something equally good like that. I think what everyone needs a reminder that that is what fandom is all about. I think anyway, that's what I need. Because I'm starting to forget that it was ever fun in the first place.

So if you're still paying attention (good job if you are), what I want is for every single person on my friends (yes all 140-something of you) to post a reminder about why fandom is good. It can be the first memory you have, the reason why you got into fandom, something about a friend you've made because of fandom. Anything that can remind me and yourself what it's all about and that it's never really been about which ship is better or which group of shippers is smarter. Because I know it can still be fun and not a crappy place.

Feel free to link others to this journal so they can come do the same. This is something I'm not friend locking, unless it gets out of hand. This wasn't my original plan, but I think it would do good, and hey. It might put a smile on your face to remember something that maybe you've forgotten.

I really want you guys to do this. No matter what fandom you are in. I think everyone needs a reminder of why we're here. Why we all collectively got together as a group and made fandom such a great place, and why it's silly for us to argue and bicker over things that don't really matter when really we should all just...have fun. Because hey, aren't we all just silly fangirls and fanboys at heart?

MWPP Era FicAThon

2004-07-31T01:08:32Z

...My reasoning? No one was friggin here to talk me out of it. Damn you _fullofgrace and your having to work. And also? Because I really really want MWPP Fic.

What is MWPP you may ask? Well, first I would smack you, then I would kindly explain that MWPP is Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs. Does this mean you can only have these four characters? No. It includes anyone that is known to have been in that era (ie. Lily or Snape).

Also? I don't feel like I should have to say this, but you never know. These fics should be *set* in that era. Meaning Harry, Ron, Hermione, etc will not be there. Please sign up. It would make me very very happy.

Signups open: July 30, 2004
Signups close: August 20, 2004 (this is only so I can get assignments sent out before school starts again)
Assignments sent: August 21, 2004
Drop Out Date: September 11, 2004
Stories due: October 2, 2004

I've given quite a bit of time to write. This is because I have a lot of trouble with deadlines myself, so I want to be fairy lengthy on the dates.

Here's the form to fill out:
1. LJ name:
2: E-mail:
3. Character/Pairing:
4. Two other requirements (when you'd like it set, certain objects/scenarios you'd like):
5. One restriction (optional):
6. Would you be willing to write an additional backup story if someone drops out?:

Minimum?: 1,000 words.
Max?: As long as you feel nessecary

On October 2, post the fic in your LJ or on your site, and I will post a master list. You will comment to that post, and give me the URL to the fic in comments.

As of now this entry is NOT friends only, so feel free to advertise the fic a thon around (In fact? I highly highly encourage you to do this). I'd love to get a lot of participants.

Feel free to add my journal for fic a thon updates (if you aren't friended already).

Dude. I am *not* insane.

Buffy Fic A Thon Back Up (Buffy/Giles)

2004-04-01T01:00:02Z

Author: TopazAngel
Title: Through The Years
Rating: Eh. PG
Fandom: Buffy The Vampire Slayer
Spoilers: The entire series, seasons 1-7.
Pairing: Buffy/Giles (non-shippy)
Teaser: A look back through the years.
Disclaimer: Not Mine.
Other Notes: Written for buffygirl43, who wanted a Buffy/Giles reflection piece for the Buffy Fic A Thon.

It almost doesn’t feel like seven years since it all started.

That first day in the library could have been yesterday as well as I remember it.

“I know what you’re looking for,” Giles pulled out the large book from behind the counter.

It scared me. To see that book. I wasn’t seeing it. My mind was playing tricks on me.

“That’s not what I’m looking for.”

Little did I know what was in store. What we would eventually go through together. I remember not really thinking he could understand me. Not thinking he could even remember what it was like to be sixteen and find out that your whole entire life has been planned for you. I didn’t even have a say in it. I found out later, neither did he.

We bonded that day. We found we had something in common. Something that no one else could understand. We had been forced into the world my friends had chosen. They wanted to help. I couldn’t decide for myself. Neither could Giles.

A part of me had wanted to believe he had chosen this life. But just as I had been told it was my duty, so had he.

The night I died at the hands of the master, he tried to take my place. I never told him how grateful I was for that. But I was. It was good to know someone was there for me. No matter what. Even if I did hit him with my mean right hook. It was my duty, not his.

I also remember finding out he was human. He had a past that he wasn’t proud of just like anyone else. He had made mistakes. He had rebelled. I guess I had held him up on a pedestal for so long, that I thought he didn’t make mistakes. Finding out that he had was comforting in a way. It assured me that people could change. People could grow up. I could learn to accept things the way they were and not fight it.

When Angel became Angelus because of me, he never lectured. Never told me what a huge mistake I had made. Even when Angel killed the woman he loved, he never blamed me, even when I blamed myself. And I did. In some ways I still do. But Giles would never and will never blame me.

I think when I ran away he was more happy to see me back in Sunnydale than I was happy to be back. Senior year.

That was probably one of the roughest in all my years in Sunnydale. So much happened.

The moment he go fired I felt like my world was collapsing. To think for even a split second that I would have to do this without him. I couldn’t. Couldn’t conceive it. I knew I couldn’t do it. I was so dependent on him. Which looking back on it, was probably a bad thing. But I was an eighteen year old girl. I felt like no one really understood me, and he had been constant. Through everything he had been there. I felt like I needed that.

After high school. After severing my ties with the council. It was strange having no reason to see him every day. But I found ways. I still needed him, even if he didn’t want to admit it. And I don’t think he did. I think he felt better telling himself that I was grown. That I was ready to move on with my life without a watcher. And I was.

But by that time I saw him as so much more. He was a friend. Part of an extended family that I couldn’t live without.

After a year of trying my damnedest to do what he wanted and be on my own, I had to let him know that I needed him to be my watcher again. I wasn’t done learning. There was so much more. More than I ever even expected.

That year he prepared me for what I knew I had to do. And I did it. I gave my life for the world. Because if I learned anything in my time as slayer, it was to be selfless. He taught me that. Taught me, without actually saying it, that my life wasn’t really mine. I belonged to the world. I was the only person who could save it. And I did.

And it still didn’t end.

I came back. And he left.

Left me alone. To deal with the weight on my shoulders I carried from being ripped out of heaven by my friends. And he knew. He knew all of that and he just left me. And I still don’t want to forgive him for it.

I know why he did it. I understand why he did it. But to this day I can’t accept that he did it. I can’t live with the things I did while he was gone. I can’t help but think if he had been here it all would have been different. Everything. Everyone. It all would have been different.
But he came back. And I was happy to see him back. We needed him then more than ever. But in he betrayed me.

Lied to me.

And I thought I was done. I told him I was done.

“No, I think you‘ve taught me everything I need to know,” I slammed the door in his face.

I can’t imagine what he felt in that moment. I don’t even like to think about how much I hurt him. After all he did for me.

And here we are. Sunnydale is gone. We are standing at the base of the crater that was the place where we went through everything together.

We’ve had our ups and downs. We’ve seen each other at our best and worse. But I think that out of everyone I know, he’s the one I wouldn’t even think of sacrificing for anything.

We may not be as close as we used to be, but without him, I wouldn’t be the person I am. If anyone else had been my watcher, I may have ended up like every slayer before me.

Cold. Heartless. Friendless. Without Love.

But I didn’t. Because he taught me that I could have all of that, and still be the chosen one. Destiny wasn’t supposed to stand in your way.

And for all of that I am grateful to have had him, and still have him in my life.

Buffy Fic A Thon: People Change (Buffy/Wes)

2004-03-31T23:46:36Z

Author: TopazAngel
Title: People Change
Rating: Eh. PG
Fandom: BtVS/Angel
Spoilers: May contain some for seasons 7/4. Season 5 slightly, but its not really brought up.
Pairing: Buffy/Wesley
Teaser: Buffy and Wesley meet again. Just a conversation piece really. Not really shippy.
Disclaimer: Not Mine.
Other Notes: Written for the Buffy FicAThon (organized by somefairytale and tablesex) for evemac, who wanted Buffy/Wes set in season 5 AtS where both visit the new council.

Buffy stood at the door of the large building and looked up. This was it. The new council. Giles had taken it upon him self to set it up after they all left Sunnydale. It had been months, but this was the first time Buffy had been there. She wasn’t thrilled either.

A few months ago when they destroyed the first (and the entire town of Sunnydale with it) she was sure she was done. Off the hook. Free. She just knew that was her chance to have a normal life.

She thought too soon.

Even with all of the other slayers there were now, she wasn’t free. She had to accept the fact that she never would be. Being the slayer would always be her life. No matter how much she thought she could get away. Even if she stopped fighting.

She still had the nightmares that came with it. The monsters still came. Even when she denied the title of slayer. They attacked her family. Her friends.

No. This was Buffy’s life. So here she was. Back at the council. At least she only had to deal with Giles this time. She didn’t think she could handle anyone else. None of the other watchers could ever understand why she was the way she was.

Why she needed her friends. Her family. Why they made her strong.

She finally walked through the large doors that lead into the lobby of the council. She saw a few people she recognized. Giles wasn’t around, but Andrew was. She was kind of hoping he wouldn’t see her.

She was lucky. He disappeared into a long hallway before he glanced her way. She was starting to think Giles was on some kind of drug when he decided Andrew should be a watcher. Of all people Andrew, who was sometimes evil.

She walked over to the desk where a youngish looking British woman was staring at a computer screen. Buffy couldn’t figure out how Giles had gotten this all set up and running so smoothly in such a short time. But she shrugged it off, coughing to get the woman’s attention.

The woman looked up at Buffy, slightly annoyed.

“Can I help you?”

“Buffy Summers. Mister Giles is expecting me.”

The woman looked back at whatever it was she was doing on the computer (which Buffy assumed had nothing to do with council business at all).

“He’s in a meeting. You’ll have to wait out here.”

“Gee, thanks,” Buffy rolled her eyes. Giles needed to learn how to hire secretaries who knew how to talk to people.

She walked over to the small set of chair sitting next to Giles’ office.

Who the hell could he possibly be talking to? As urgent as he had seemed on the phone, she was sure this wasn’t some random check in call, and she didn’t see a reason for him to make her wait. She hated waiting.

Buffy’s thoughts were interrupted when she saw a familiar face step inside the building. She rubbed her eyes. She had to be seeing things. There was no way on earth Giles would call him of all people. He was a horrible watcher. He was snotty and rude and everything Giles wasn’t.

He stopped at the desk and talked to the secretary (who, then, of course pointed to the chairs Buffy was sitting in for him to have a seat).

“Buffy?” he asked, looking at her with a soft smile.

“Wesley,” she forced a smile, “didn’t think I’d see you again.”

“I don’t suspect you thought you’d ever have a reason to,” he sat down in the chair to her right, “Mr. Giles called me in LA. We decided it best that I come have a look around the new office.”

“That’s great,” Buffy forced out. In reality, Wesley was the last person she was ever expecting or wanting to see again. In his time as watcher in Sunnydale he hadn’t done much more than be an annoyance. He was snooty and rude. And she had always partially blamed him for the way things had turned out with Faith. Not that he made Faith commit murder or try to cover it up, but he hadn’t exactly tried to help her either.

She glanced at him for a moment, not sure if he was going to continue to ramble on or not. There was a subtle change in his face. He didn’t just look older. There was more. He didn’t even look like the same Wesley. His features were softer, less harsh. There seemed to even be a hint of kindness there. It surprised her.

“I heard about what happened in Sunnydale. Of course, that must be obvious, as I am sitting here speaking to you,” Wesley let out a small laugh at himself.

Buffy smiled slightly. This time it wasn’t forced. The Wesley she had known before never would have laughed at himself. She wasn’t sure how or when this had happened, but it was a welcome change.

“Well, we survived, right? That’s the important thing. So the entire town got sucked into a hole in the ground in the process.”

“I suppose. I’m actually more amazed that a town being destroyed didn’t make the evening news than anything,” he smiled at his own joke.

“Was that a joke?” Buffy smirked, “The Wesley I remember from a few years ago didn’t make jokes.”

“Yes, well,” he paused, letting his smile fade slightly, “I suppose things happen that cause people to change.”

“Hey, you’re telling the wrong girl. I know a few things about life experience.”

“I suppose no one can say they’ve been through more than you. There aren’t many people that can say they’ve actually died twice,” a slight beat in his voice, “and lived to tell about it.”

“That’s for sure,” she hesitated for a moment, “So, why are you here? Giles offering you a job?”

“Me? Work for the council again? Don’t count on that happening anytime soon. I wasn’t exactly cut out for it if you couldn’t tell,” he paused, “As head of research for Angel in LA Mr. Giles and I both thought it a good idea that we develop an alliance. He has assets I can use and vice-versa. It seemed like the right thing to do.”

“Makes sense,” she nodded.

“I suppose you’re still on active slayer duty?”

“Well, I thought I was off the hook, but alas, this is my life,” she shrugged, “So to answer your question, yep! I’m still slay-girl. Guess there really isn’t away out of it. I mean, I’ve personally proved more than once that not even death could get me outta this one,” she laughed softly.

“Well, I suppose there is something to be said for having a destiny. At least you’re never bored,” he smiled widely at her.

“Ain’t that the truth. Sometimes I wish for boredom,” she laughed.

Someone walked out of Giles’ office. He stepped out behind the other man, shook his hand and then turned to Buffy.

“Buffy, I’m glad you could make it. Feel free to come in now,” he smiled.

She nodded back at him as he turned and went back into the office.

“Well Wes, it was nice seeing you again,” she grinned, “surprisingly.”

“You too Buffy. Perhaps if we ever happen to be in the same place again we can make arrangements.”

“Of course,” she smiled warmly and stepped into Giles’ office. To her surprise, she actually meant it.

End.

UC Fic A Thon--Better Late Than Never, Right?

2004-03-27T04:15:08Z

Author: TopazAngel
Title: Normal
Rating: Eh. PG
Fandom: Buffy/Angel Crossover-ish
Pairing: Buffy Summers/Lorne (slight Buffy/Angel undertones)
Teaser: Buffy had always wanted something normal.
Disclaimer: Not Mine
Other Notes: For the UC Fic A Thon. Sorry it’s so late, and probably far from what you wanted, but I had trouble getting the creative juices to flow on this one, so I did the best I could. Also, this isn’t my usual style, so if it seems a little off, that’s why. It's also a tad on the angsty side. Which I tried to avoid, but I have a problem doing that.

Written for red_a_story

Normal.

It was a word that went through Buffy’s mind more than any other word. She wanted to be normal.

What was normal?

Normal was meeting a guy, getting married, and living a happy life in house with two point five kids and a white picket fence. Normal wasn’t battling demons, vampires, and the forces of darkness night after night.

Normal wasn’t being chosen.

Normal was something Buffy had long grown to accept she would never be. As much as she wanted it. She couldn’t have it.

Not to say she hadn’t tried.

When Sunnydale was destroyed she was sure that was her chance. Her chance to have everything she had ever wanted.

And so she left. Left everything she had ever known to attempt a normal life. She only hunted when she had to. She kept in touch with Giles just in case. But other than that she was seemingly normal.

But guys didn’t seem to want a girl who woke up in the middle of the night screaming about demons and fighting. They didn’t want a girl who could fight and use weapons. They wanted normal.

She wasn’t normal.

So she gave up on that. Went back to LA. She went for him.

For Angel. He was all she had ever wanted. He was her one true love. But as it turned out, she wasn’t his.

So she did what anyone would do. She pretended it didn’t hurt to know he didn’t love her back. She smiled and waved when she saw him. She helped him fight. She helped his friends.

And they all bought it. Bought the I’m so happy routine. No one ever looked beyond the false smiles and witty banter.

Until he came along.

He could look at her and just tell.

“Sweetie, your aura is singing,” he would say.

At first it angered her. Knowing that someone could be that close and not even know her. Someone could see through her act. See her emotions. And she couldn’t stop it. She couldn’t do anything about it.

He just could.

And then it was nice. She had someone to talk to. Someone to vent at about all the emotions she had bottled up for so long. About Angel. About how he didn’t care for her like she wanted him to. Like she cared for him.

But after awhile it wasn’t about her using him to rant. It was about talking. About having someone to confide in. Not just about Angel, but about everything. They became friends.

It was nice. It felt normal. Well, almost normal. As normal as life can be when your best friend is a demon.

And here she was almost a year later.

Today was her birthday. There was a party. If there was anything to say about the friends she had made in LA, it was that they could throw a party. Especially Lorne. He had connections. And lots of them.

She sat on the steps and looked out at the night air. She was trying to figure out when it had happened. It seemed impossible.

That she had fallen for her best friend the demon.

“Hey sweetie, thought maybe you could use some company,” Lorne sat down beside her and handed her a cosmopolitan, “and some alcohol.”
“Thanks,” she smiled a genuine smile.

“Something wrong cupcake?”

“No,” she shook her head, “why do you ask?”

“Big party. Lots of friends. Presents. All in there, and you’re sitting out here, looking up at the smog covered stars. That and you’re giving off some major distress vibes.”

“Sometimes I hate that you can do that,” she said with a quiet sarcastic laugh.

“Sorry sweet cheeks, it’s part of the Lorne package.”

“Nah, it’s okay. I don’t know if I would have made it this last year without your little gift,” she smiled softly, “besides, I don’t think it would take much to feel distress vibes coming off me right now. Angel, Mister Emotionally Unavailable, could probably tell.”

“Wanna talk about it? I mean, that’s what I’m here for.”

“I don’t really think I can Lorne. Not this time.”

“Oh come on sweetie. When was the last time you couldn’t talk to good ole Lorne about something?”

She sighed heavily. This wasn’t your average ‘woe is Buffy’ problem. And Lorne couldn’t help. Not unless he could tell her she wasn’t the only one whose feelings had grown. And she highly doubted that was the case.

“Am I gonna have to guess, because you know I hate that.”

“No, Lorne,” she hesitated slightly, “I just don’t know what to-or how.”

Lorne looked at her. Concentrated. He was trying to search her. This wasn’t the first time he had done it. Not even the first time with her. But there was something about this. She was guarding it. So tightly that not even he could see what it was.

“Well, when you figure it out? You always know where to find me. I’ll be inside,” he smiled softly, “hurry up, you still need to get your birthday spanking,” he winked before disappearing back into the building.

Buffy looked up at the stars.

She had stopped wanting normal a long time ago. But she had never expected this.

Just to warn, my fics rarely have a difinitive ending, and this is no exception.

Angst!Fic 5/5

2004-03-18T06:40:24Z

A couple of extra notes. The rating went from R to PG 13, cause it didn't get as heavy as I thought it would. Also, It didn't end up as long as I thought it would be, but I really like how it turned out.

Previous Chapters:
1-2-3-4

Author: TopazAngel
Title: Everything Falls Apart 5/5
Rating: PG-13
Word count: 1835
Fandom: Angel
Genre: Angst
Pairing: Cordelia/Lindsey (Cordelia/Angel, Angel/Darla, Lindsey/Darla Implied)
Spoilers: None
Timeline: Before ‘Offspring,’ after ‘Billy’
Teaser: As Cordelia’s visions worsen, Darla comes back with a surprise. Cordelia has no choice but to confide in an outsider who just happens back in town.
Distribution: My C/L site, CCF.net, anyone else ask and you can have. Just leave my name on it.
Feedback: Please?
Disclaimer: The characters belong to Joss, David, ME, and all those names that you all should know by now.
Dedication: Tonnie for A) being my C/L partner in crime B) Encouraging me to do this C) Being Cordy to my Lindsey. Sigh. D) For always reading over my stuff in IM so that I know it doesn’t suck *before* I post.
Additional Notes: Yes this is a WiP, but its not like my other WiPs. I actually have it planned in my head, and I know exactly where it is going. I believe in all honesty this fic is going to be some of my best writing to date, and I don't compliment myself often, so I would really like to know what you think.

Cordelia’s vision headache wasn’t going away. She could only assume Angel and Wesley had spent too much time dwelling on Darla’s sense of smell rather than actually going to save the boy. The headache would only go away under two conditions. One, they got off their stubborn asses and saved him or two, they didn’t make it in time and the boy died.

She hadn’t gone back to the apartment. She had decided to take the long walk home. It always helped clear her thoughts after particularly painful visions.

She knew Lindsey was probably worrying at this point, but she knew he would just do the typical guy thing. He would make sure she was okay, tell her to take it easy, ask if he could get her anything, and stand over her like stalker-boy. She didn’t want to deal with it. She hated it when Angel did that. She wouldn’t like it anymore when it was Lindsey.

She couldn’t avoid it for much longer though. She was almost at the apartment. Besides that, she needed to get some pain killers in her as quick as possible. She was really starting to think someone in the universe was out to get her. The visions got harder every time she had one. At this point, they were almost unbearable. But she didn’t really have a choice, so she didn’t complain.

But she didn’t understand it anymore. When she started having the visions, it was because she was Angel’s link to the powers. But Angel had tossed her to the side. For the second time. She didn’t feel like it was worth it to carry all of this on her back, if Angel didn’t care.

She found herself standing at her own door step. She didn’t actually remember getting there, but apparently she had. She was used to virtually blacking out in the aftermath of a vision.

Lindsey was sitting on the couch in silence as she walked in.

“Hey,” she said softly, sitting down next to him.

“How’d it go?” he asked, concerned.

“Not good,” she frowned, “that vampire sense of smell? Kinda creepy,” she nodded slowly.

“What happened?”

“Darla and Angel could smell you on me. How incredibly ishy is that? I mean, seriously. She came up to me and just,” she paused slightly, “smelled.”

“So I guess your friends didn’t take that to well?” He asked.

She just shrugged slightly.

“Angel didn’t seem happy. I didn’t give him a chance to lecture me. I went in and did what I had to do. I told them about the vision and left. Which, by the way, apparently they don’t think is important, because I can tell by the massive pain in my head they still haven’t solved the problem.”

“Do you need anything,” he frowned slightly.

“Nah,” she smiled sadly, “I’m just gonna get some pain killers in me, and lie down. Usually that helps. But thanks.”

He nodded.

“Well, if you need anything? I’ll be in here. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Thanks Lindsey,” she walked into the bathroom.

Her medicine cabinet was almost a pharmacy in itself. She had almost every different pain killer available to man. The doctors would up dosages, change drugs, mix drugs, whatever they needed to do. Usually it did nothing more than ease the pain long enough for her to get to sleep.

She swallowed a few pills and walked into the bedroom and lied down on the bed. Her eyes closed tightly and the pills took effect quickly.

It was only a few hours before she was awake again, just waiting for it to happen all over again.

*****

Lindsey had just fallen asleep on the couch when he jolted up. There was a large banging at the door.

He only knew of one person that would want in that badly. He knew answering the door was not a good idea, but he did it anyway.

“Angel.”

“Lindsey McDonald,” Angel smirked slightly, “thought you weren’t coming back to LA.”

“What can I say? Couldn’t stay away.”

“What’s your game Lindsey?”

“No game.”

“Gee, for some reason I just don’t buy that,” Angel pushed Lindsey out of the way and stepped through the door, “where’s Cordy?”

“Asleep, and I’m thinking? Not really wanting to see you right now,” Lindsey said with a forceful voice.

“And I’m sure she’s going to be thrilled to see you here when she wakes up.”

“What do you want Angel? To tell her what a big mistake she’s making? Or to tell her that she needs to lay off Darla again? Because whichever it is, she doesn’t want to hear it.”

“And you know Cordy so well?” Angel asked him.

“Right now? Yes.”

“Really?” Angel was growing annoyed with Lindsey. In his mind, he knew Cordelia better than anyone. The idea that of all people Lindsey McDonald knew her better than him was absurd.
“Yeah, I do,” Lindsey nodded firmly.

“And why’s that?”

“Because this last week while you and your gang of “heroes” have been tending to Darla I’ve been here, listening to everything she has to say. Listening to her cry and scream about you and the way you treat her.”

“Lindsey, I don’t know what you’re trying to pull here, but I’m not buying,” Angel said through clenched teeth.

“Do you know what the visions are doing to her Angel? What she’s going through?”

“I think I have a better knowledge of what Cordelia’s visions are doing to her than you do. I’ve been by her side for the past three years. You’ve been here, what did you say? A week?”

“They’re killing her Angel,” Lindsey said quietly, “and you and your friends that so lovingly call yourselves her family? Don’t even notice,” he spat.

“No,” Angel paused, “if Cordy were dying, I’d know. She’d tell me.”

“When Angel? While you were at Darla’s side or when you and Wesley were telling her she was better off not being at the hotel? Face it, you haven’t been the friend you think you have been lately.”

Angel didn’t say anything. He couldn’t think of what to say. He tried to convince himself that Lindsey was lying. That there was no way this could be true.

If Cordelia was really in that much pain. If things had gotten that bad for her, he would know. She would have to tell him.

“No.”

“Fine Angel. Don’t believe me, but believe this,” he paused slightly, “Cordelia doesn’t want you here. She doesn’t want to hear you tell her that she doesn’t know what she is doing with me or that she just needs to suck it up and deal with Darla. Because she isn’t going to listen. So just go.”

“You can’t tell me to leave,” Angel said roughly.

“No,” Lindsey and Angel both turned at the sound of her voice, “but I can. Leave Angel. Now. I don’t want to talk to you right now, and I’m not going to change my mind.”

“Cordy I-”
“Don’t Angel,” she walked up to him, “Not now, not ever. You’ve hurt me way too much these past few days. I don’t want to hear you apologize. I don’t want a speech about how I have to come back for the good of the helpless. Because the helpless? They aren’t what you care about anymore. You proved that this afternoon when you and Wes let that teenage boy die,” Cordelia told him forcefully.

“Fine Cordelia. If you want to give up on what we’ve worked so hard for all these year for what? For him?” Angel gestured to Lindsey, “that’s your business,” he told her roughly.

“This has nothing to do with him. This started before he was ever in the picture Angel. This about you. And how everything seems to take precedence over the people we save. And how you turn your back on me every time you get the chance. Well Angel? Consider this payback. Its my turn to abandon you.”

Angel stood, shocked for a moment, but he knew he had lost. He turned around to leave, but turned back after only a few steps.

“Fine Cordelia. This is your choice, but don’t come crying to me when he turns on you, and trust me, he will,” he turned back around and walked out of the apartment.

“Cordelia, I’m-”

“Don’t Lindsey,” she smiled at him sadly, “You didn’t do anything. He’s just being an asshole. Something he’s actually quite good at.”

“I just want you to know. I don’t have any intention of turning on you.”

“I know. Besides, even if you did. It could never hurt as much as it hurt to have him do it twice.”

*****

Cordelia and Lindsey had moved into the living room. She was sitting with her head on his chest and his arms wrapped around her.

“Lindsey?” she whispered his name softly.

“Hmm?”

“I just,” she looked up at him, “I wanted to thank you again, for being here. I don’t think I could have done any of this without you.”

“You’re welcome,” he smiled sadly, “but I really think you could have done it. It just might have taken a little longer.”

“Maybe but, I just wanted to say this, that’s all. Because when everything in my life was falling apart, you showed up, just in time. To help me when I really needed it.”

“Guess I have good timing,” he laughed slightly.

“Guess so,” she smiled at him, “well, I should get some sleep. I’ve had a long day.”

“Yeah, I’ll be on the couch if you need me,” he smiled as she stood.

She bent down to kiss him softly on the lips.

“See you in the morning,” she whispered, before walking into the other room.

*****

Lindsey woke up the next morning to Cordelia screaming. He jolted up and ran into her room as fast as he could.

This was the worst he had seen. She was shaking and crying when she came to. He could tell this was one of her worse visions.

“Cordelia?” He kneeled by her bed, a touched her forehead, “are you okay?”

“Lindsey?” she whispered softly, “I’m…” she trailed off.

“Cordelia. What did you see?”

“I saw this,” she whispered.

He stared at her, not believing what she said. Not wanting to think about what it meant. He gripped her hand tightly.

“What?”

“This. It’s what I saw,” she paused, “Lindsey? Why is this happening?”

Lindsey’s eyes filled with tears. He tried to tell himself this wasn’t happening, that it was a nightmare.

“Cordelia…It’s gonna be okay.”

“No. It’s not,” she whispered.

“Shh, don’t say that,” he brushed some loose hair from her forehead.
“You can’t save me.”

He looked at her in horror. This couldn’t be the end. No. He didn’t want this to be the end.

She raised a hand to his face and touched him softly.

“I just found you Cordelia,” he whispered.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, “goodbye.”

Her eyes closed slowly, and she was gone.

End.

Now, everyone rejoice, Toppie actually finished a WiP, and she actually thinks its good. This probably won't EVER happen again.

So. Feedback, no?

Angst!Fic 4/?

2004-03-18T03:08:32Z

Previous Parts
1 2 3

Author: TopazAngel
Title: Everything Falls Apart 4/?
Rating: R (not in this chapter, but will be by the end)
Word count: 1948
Fandom: Angel
Genre: Angst
Pairing: Cordelia/Lindsey, Cordelia/Angel, (Angel/Darla, Lindsey/Darla Implied)
Spoilers: None
Timeline: Before ‘Offspring,’ after ‘Billy’
Teaser: As Cordelia’s visions worsen, Darla comes back with a surprise. Cordelia has no choice but to confide in an outsider who just happens back in town.
Distribution: My C/L site, CCF.net, anyone else ask and you can have. Just leave my name on it.
Feedback: Please?
Disclaimer: The characters belong to Joss, David, ME, and all those names that you all should know by now.
Dedication: Tonnie for A) being my C/L partner in crime B) Encouraging me to do this C) Being Cordy to my Lindsey. Sigh. D) For always reading over my stuff in IM so that I know it doesn’t suck *before* I post.
Additional Notes: Yes this is a WiP, but its not like my other WiPs. I actually have it planned in my head, and I know exactly where it is going. I believe in all honesty this fic is going to be some of my best writing to date, and I don't compliment myself often, so I would really like to know what you think.

Cordelia slammed into the apartment and threw her purse down on the table.

“I can’t believe this!” she screamed out loud, “they are both such assholes! I mean, Angel I get. Darla has this power over him, but WESLEY? How in the hell could he side with Angel on this?” she slammed the door shut loudly and looked around.

A cup of hot tea came floating across the room to her.

“Thanks Dennis,” she smiled sadly, “Is Lindsey still here?”

Dennis knocked on the wall once, indicating a no. Cordelia sighed deeply. Part of her was hoping he hadn’t gone. Of course, she never would have admitted it to him, but she had sort of enjoyed the company. Not because it was Lindsey McDonald, but because it was someone that didn’t have all of these expectations about her. She could say anything to him, and it didn’t matter.

She walked through the apartment, and sat at the kitchen table, sipping the tea Dennis had brought her.

“I hate my life,” she whispered to herself.

Sometimes she wondered what things would have been like. Without the visions. Without Angel. She liked to think it would have been wonderful. She could have gotten the fame she had always wanted. She could have been rich. She could have been loved.

But most of the time she just told herself that even with all of that stuff, she would have just been this bitchy actress.

But here? Here she was doing something good. She was helping the helpless. She was virtually sacrificing herself to save people every day. And she did it all for nothing. And she felt good about that.

Sometimes she wondered if she was the only one who really cared.

Angel was so easily swayed. At the drop of a hat he would decide that something was more important than the world. He had proved that less than a month ago by freeing that monster in a humans body to save her life. And he was proving it again with Darla.

Wesley was supposed to be different. He didn’t have any reason to turn her away. To make her leave. And yet he had. The one person she truly thought she could count on, and he had turned his back on her.

For Darla.

Of all people. Not people. Darla wasn’t even a person. She was a vampire. The evil kind. And her friends had turned their backs on the people who needed them for her. Cordelia was not only angry, but disappointed.

“Ugh, where is an evil ex-lawyer when you need a punching bag?” she said to herself.

She plopped her head down on the table. There was small tapping sound coming from the other room.

“Dennis!” she raised her head, “Could you keep it down in there?” she paused slightly for a moment, trying to place the sound, “oh! Stupid Cordelia. That would be someone at the door, not the ghost,” she mumbled to herself.

She walked quickly to the door, smiling as she opened it.

“Hey,” Lindsey said, standing on the other side.

“Lindsey!” she was slightly surprised to see him back, “What are you doing here?”

“I’m sorry. I know you wanted me gone.”

“No, its fine,” she smiled softly at him, “come on in,” she motioned him to the apartment.

He stepped in, closing the door behind him.

“I’m sorry to bother you, I just wanted to see how you were doing.”

“No, its fine. Actually, if I ever needed anyone to talk to? Right now is it,” she smiled sadly, stepping back into the living room.

She sat on the couch, and motioned to him.

“You can sit, stay a while,” she smiled again. She actually seemed happy this time.

“So, you need some one to talk to?” he sat next to her on the couch, frowning, “did something happen?”

She frowned.

“Angel and Wesley. They made me leave the hotel. Just because I said that Darla was evil, which by the way? Is true!” she defended herself, “and I just can’t believe it, ya know? Everything we’ve been through, and they just toss me away, like I’m nothing. I mean, I get it. With Angel. I totally understand. Whatever she’s having, whether it be a demon or a baby or a little tiny evil vampire. It’s his. But Wesley? Why would he do that? Just turn his back on me?” Cordelia was almost in tears.

Lindsey didn’t know what to say or do. So he did the first thing he could think of. He moved close to her, and wrapped his arms around her shoulders, giving her a tight comforting hug.

Cordelia put her arms around him tightly, burying her head in his shoulder. She let the tears flow freely.

“They were my friends,” she whispered softly.

“I know,” he frowned. He didn’t think he would ever see her like this.

So fragile. Almost weak.

She pulled away from him, and wiped her eyes. She plastered a fake smile across her face.

“Oh God, look at me, I’m sorry. I’m usually not a big weepy mess,” she faked a laugh.

“It’s alright,” he said, wiping a tear away from her cheek.

“No. It’s not,” she shook her head, “this isn’t me. I’m not like this. I don’t break down in front of people I barely know. Hell, I don’t break down in front of my friends. I’m just strong, tactless Cordelia Chase. I don’t let things like this get to me. I never have.”

“Cordelia, everyone has a weak moment now and then," he hesitated for a moment, "I know I don't know the first thing about you and the last thing you probably want is me psychoanalyzing you, but you're not a weak person. You try too damn hard to be strong, to keep people from seeing you as this vulnerable person. But you can't do that all the time. Everyone needs to vent-- you included. It doesn't make you weak."

She frowned slightly, turning away from him.

“Why are you doing this?”

“Doing what?”

“Being here? Trying to comfort me? You could have left this morning and never come back, and you did. You came back,” she turned back to him, looking him in the eyes, “why?”

“I guess,” his voice shifted slightly, “I guess I don’t know. When I left this morning, I didn’t intend on coming back, but I just had to. I wanted,” he paused for a moment, “no, I needed to make sure you were okay.”

Cordelia smiled sadly. She found everything so hard to believe. Darla showing up. Lindsey showing up. A voice inside was saying this was all some well mapped out planned. That Lindsey McDonald could not be this unselfish. Especially towards Angel’s vision girl of all people. But when she looked at him. Really looked, she knew that wasn’t the case. He seemed genuine. Like he really did care.

“I’d really like to say that I don’t want you here. That you should go, but I can’t. Thank you Lindsey. I mean that,” she said quietly.

“Don’t mention it Cordelia,” he smiled sadly, “I just want to know you’ve got someone looking out for you.”

“I really appreciate it,” she smiled at him, genuinely this time.

Their eyes met. He gently placed his hand on her face, and pulled her close to him. His lips met hers softly for just a moment before he pulled back.

“I’m sorry,” he said turning away from her.

“Sorry?”

“For that. I wasn’t-” he paused as he turned back to face her, “I didn’t plan that.”

“Lindsey, I didn’t think you did,” she laughed softly, “I didn’t mind.”

She moved in to kiss him again, placing her arms around his neck. She brushed his lips with her own. He put his arms around her, embracing her tightly as their kiss grew deeper.

She jolted away from him quickly and fell back on the couch.

“Cordelia?” he moved around to kneel on the couch beside her.

She gripped her head tightly as she shook. He could tell she was in pain, and he didn’t know what to do about. He couldn’t do anything about it.

She stopped and tried to sit up, but Lindsey gently pushed her back down on the couch.

“Cordelia, you shouldn’t get up,” he whispered, moving a piece of hair away from her face.

“No, I have to,” she forced herself into a sitting position, “I’m just going to run to the hotel, tell Wesley what I saw, and come right back.”

“Are you sure? Do you really feel up to it?” he frowned.

“I do this all the time Lindsey,” she said reassuringly, “I’ll be right back.”

She got up and walked out of the apartment.

He would have tried to stop her, but somehow he knew that would be useless.

*****

“Guys…” Cordelia stepped into the hotel, quietly, “I know you told me to leave, but I had a vision, and I wanted to come tell you what it was. After that I’ll leave alone to do whatever the hell it is you all do now.”

“Cordelia?” Wesley walked into the lobby from the office.

“No, the other girl around here who has visions.”

“Cordelia there’s no need to-” she cut him off quickly.

“Look, don’t, alright. I’m not here to get all chummy. You proved you don’t want to be my friend right now, and that’s fine. But I’m not going to let the people we are supposed to help suffer because of it, so here,” she handed him a slip of paper.

“What’s this?”

“An address. There’s a guy there. Maybe nineteen, about to become some she-vamps afternoon snack. If you hurry, you might make it in time,” she said quickly.

Cordelia spun around and began to walk out of the hotel.

“Well well well, what have we here? This is…interesting.”

Cordelia stopped as she heard Darla’s voice. She hated that voice.

“Darla,” she said flatly turning back around.

Darla walked up to her and stared for a moment.

“Cordelia,” she almost purred the name, sniffing the air around her.

“Okay. Look, I realize that the guys have offered to help you, but that doesn’t mean you can come sniffing me.”

“I know that smell,” Darla said with a wicked grin on her face.

“What?” Cordelia asked, confused.

“You know what I’m talking about. You smell like him,” she whispered into Cordelia’s ear.

Cordelia jumped back. This was creepy. Not the normal kind of creepy she usually dealt with, but the fact that Darla could smell Lindsey on her? Wasn’t comforting in anyway.

“Cordelia, what is she talking about?” Wesley asked.

“Don’t ask me,” Cordelia lied, “she’s an evil psycho vampire. She could be going on about anything.”

“But she’s not,” Angel was standing at the base of the stairs, “what the hell is going on Cordelia?”

“What?”

“Lindsey. I’ve been around him enough to know his scent, and you reek of it,” Angel said coldly.

“Lindsey McDonald?” Wesley asked.

“So?” Cordelia asked.

“So. Cordelia he’s ev-” she cut him off.

“Oh no! Don’t you dare go there. Don’t give me a speech about how he’s evil and I need to think about what I’m doing. You have no room to talk. None,” she looked over at Darla.

“That’s different.”

“No Angel. It’s not,” she paused, “besides, you gave up any right to know my business the second you kicked me out of the hotel. I don’t want to hear it,” to Wesley, “you have the information. Don’t let that boy die.”

She spun around, and walked out the door, not taking a second glance back at her friends.

Feedback please?

Angst!Fic 3/?--Final spammage of the night

2004-03-14T05:19:03Z

Read Part 1 Here.
Read Part 2 Here.

Author: TopazAngel
Title: Everything Falls Apart 3/?
Rating: R (not in this chapter, but will be by the end)
Word count: 1716
Fandom: Angel
Genre: Angst
Pairing: Cordelia/Lindsey, Cordelia/Angel, (Angel/Darla, Lindsey/Darla Implied)
Spoilers: None
Timeline: Before ‘Offspring,’ after ‘Billy’
Teaser: As Cordelia’s visions worsen, Darla comes back with a surprise. Cordelia has no choice but to confide in an outsider who just happens back in town.
Distribution: My C/L site, CCF.net, anyone else ask and you can have. Just leave my name on it.
Feedback: Please?
Disclaimer: The characters belong to Joss, David, ME, and all those names that you all should know by now.
Dedication: Tonnie for A) being my C/L partner in crime B) Encouraging me to do this C) Being Cordy to my Lindsey. Sigh. D) For always reading over my stuff in IM so that I know it doesn’t suck *before* I post.
Additional Notes: Yes this is a WiP, but its not like my other WiPs. I actually have it planned in my head, and I know exactly where it is going. I believe in all honesty this fic is going to be some of my best writing to date, and I don't compliment myself often, so I would really like to know what you think.

Cordelia walked slowly. She was just lucky it wasn’t dark this time. She would be prime choice for any vamps and demons at the pace she was moving. She continued to rub at her temples.

She hated this. She knew was doing good. Helping the helpless. But she couldn’t take it much longer. Her body wouldn’t take it much longer.

She fumbled for her keys. Of course she couldn’t find them.

“Damn it!” she cursed out loud.

Part of her hoped Lindsey hadn’t gone yet. She began to bang on the door. She called for Dennis first, but nothing. She assumed he had some random music blasting.

“Dennis! Open then damn door!” she banged loudly, “Gaaah!” she screamed, and rubbed at her temples again. She needed her medication. It wouldn’t take the pain away, but it would make it less, if only for a while.

The door swung open.

“Cordelia?”

“Lindsey. I thought I told you to be gone when I got here.”

“You did. You were only gone for an hour. I thought I had a little more time,” he glanced over her slowly, “are you alright?”

“Why the hell do people keep asking me that?” she said pushing past him into the apartment, “Do you wanna know if I’m fine? Because I could tell you what I tell them. I could tell you I’m perfect. That the visions don’t feel like my head is being ripped open. That every time I have one it gets worse. That I don’t know how much longer I can do it. Do you want to hear that?” she looked up at him, a small tear forming at the corner of the eye.

She didn’t know why she had said that. It all came rushing out. She regretted it. But she knew she couldn’t take it back.

“Cordelia,” he whispered her name, moving closer to her, “I don’t, I mean,” he paused, “why don’t you tell them?”

“I can’t,” she looked down, frowning, “this is what I do. I help people, and if Angel knows it’s killing me, he’ll find a way to stop it. And they need me.”

“Killing you? Cordelia, do you realize what you are saying? You are obviously in constant pain here. Why don’t you let them try to help you?”

“Because I…”she trailed off, “why the hell am I talking to you about this?” she snapped, “Get the hell out.”

“Cordelia, you obviously need to talk to someone about this,” he moved to place a hand on her shoulder.

“Out! I don’t need to talk to anyone! I’m okay! Peachy keen even! Now leave! I don’t want you here!”

He frowned deeply.

“If that’s what you want.”

“It is,” she said coldly.

He nodded and turned to leave.

“Lindsey wait!” she called back to him.

He stopped and turned back towards her.

“Yeah?”

“I don’t want to be alone,” she said weekly.
He nodded and walked back over to stand next to her.

“Then I won’t leave.”

*****

Lindsey sat on the couch and watched as Cordelia went about her normal routine. She had gone into the bathroom, taken the prescription pain pills the doctors had assured her were the strongest available on the market, and walked back into the main room.

And she was just sitting. Not saying much. Lindsey imagined she wasn’t in the mood. And he didn’t want to press the issue.

He still didn’t understand what had made her tell him what she already had. He just assumed it was all the things she wanted to say to them, but thought she couldn’t.

Yet another thing he didn’t understand. Given the circumstances, he would have broken down and asked for help. Begged for the visions to be gone.

She was strong. He could tell. She didn’t want to crumble. She knew what she had to do, and did it.

Unlike him. He was weak. Always had been.

He suddenly held an admiration for her. She was aged. At twenty years old, she looked as if she was pushing thirty at least. She was worn out and obviously needed to take a break.

But she didn’t. And all because they needed her.

She was brave.

“Lindsey,” she said, breaking the silence.

“Yeah?”

“I’m sorry,” she said, never looking up at him.

“What? Why are you sorry?”

“That I asked you to stay here with me. I shouldn’t expect that. You don’t even know me. I just--Its hard.”
“Its alright Cordelia,” he smiled sadly.

“Its just, I feel like, ugh! I can’t explain it. And tomorrow? Tomorrow it will happen all over again. And I get so tired of it. Only now its worse. Because I’ll go into tomorrow and it will be all about Darla and her Miracle Baby. And I’ll have to sit there and watch everyone scramble to figure this out. And I can’t do that,” she didn’t want to tell him any of this.

It was almost like she wasn’t even talking to him. She was just talking to say it. So that it wasn’t floating around in her brain. She just needed to get it all out. And he happened to be there.

“Maybe it won’t,” he offered reassuringly.

She smiled sadly, finally looking up at him.

“You obviously don’t know Angel very well. It goes something like this. Blonde comes into the picture, or back into the picture as the case may be, and Angel becomes this broody ball of mess. He mopes. He hides. He swears there is nothing going on, that he isn’t obsessing. But he is. And then one day, she becomes more important than anything else in his life,” she nodded slowly, “Yeah, that’s how it works. Angel never changes. And this? This whole baby thing? It just adds onto the brooding ball of mess. Because now there is more than just a girl. There is a baby. Or a demon. Or something. And he has to know what,” she shook her head, “I really need to learn when to shut up.”

“Its really okay. You need to talk. Talk,” Lindsey said, trying to make her feel better.

He wasn’t naïve enough to think he wasn’t the last person she wanted to be here talking to. But if he could be there, he wanted to be.

“Thank you Lindsey. I know you probably don’t want to be here right now. And honestly? I didn’t really want you here, but thanks all the same.”

He nodded.

“Ow,” she rubbed at her forehead, “This is really getting old!” she shouted up at the ceiling, “damn powers that be.”

He thought of asking how she was, but he could tell she was tired of that. Almost as much as she was tired of the visions themselves.

“Here,” he stood, and held out his hand for her to take, “You should get some sleep.”

She nodded, and took his hand, pulling herself up.

He walked her to the room and made sure she got to sleep okay. He watched her for a while, making sure she didn’t wake up in pain. He wasn’t quite sure how it all worked. How it effected her.

She tossed and turned. A lot.

After awhile, he allowed himself to fall asleep in the chair, but he didn’t leave the room that night.

*****

Cordelia walked into the office the next morning refreshed. She had a smile on her face. It wasn’t because she was happy to be there. But she had gotten things off her chest, and that was enough.

“Well, it seems someone is feeling a bit better today,” Wesley said, smiling at her.

“I am. I guess I just needed a good nights sleep or something. So did you guys get to the girl in time?”

“Hell yeah, and we kicked some demon ass too,” Gunn smiled at her.

“That’s great. Where’s Angel?” She asked, peeking around the office. She didn’t know why she asked. She already had a pretty good idea.

“He’s upstairs with Darla. She wasn’t feeling well this morning,” Wesley told her.

“Great, first a pregnant vampire, and now she has morning sickness too,” Cordelia rolled her eyes, “we are all aware that she’s still evil, right?” she asked.

“Cordelia, this is important. We need to find out--”

“I know. I know. It’s a miracle. I get it,” she said with a hint of annoyance in her voice, “jeez, I’m sorry I said anything!”

“Cordelia,” Wesley sighed heavily, “I know you don’t like this. Darla was the reason for a lot of the problems we had last year, but we can’t just turn her away.”

“And why not?” she yelled, “Come on Wesley! You know as well as me, that thing, whatever it is, can’t be human. Its Darla and Angel! So why do we even care! We are supposed to fight evil! Not help it!”

“That thing,” Cordelia heard from behind her, “whatever it is, good or evil, is my child. And if you can’t understand that, maybe you should leave.”

“Oh come on Angel,” she turned around, angry look on her face, “You know as well as I that whatever this is has nothing to do with that thing growing inside of Darla. It has to do with Darla.”

“So this is why you’ve been acting strange these past few days? Its because of her?”

“Damn straight its because of her! Do you not remember the hell that was a year ago? When you tossed us away like we were nothing? Because of that bitch!?” Cordelia knew she had gone too far, but she didn’t care.

“Out.”

“What? You can’t kick me out! Wesley is the boss here! Not you!”

“Wesley.”

“Cordelia,” he frowned deeply, “I think its best that you go. I don’t like this anymore than you, but we have to figure this out, and if you don’t understand that, you shouldn’t be here.”

“Wesley! You can’t do this!” She yelled, “have you all gone crazy? Do you not remember why we’re here? Helping the helpless! Ring any bells?” she stopped, pausing for a moment, and nodded, “Right. That doesn’t matter. Not anymore. You know what? I don’t want to be here anyway,” she spun on her heal and walked out of the hotel.

If they didn’t care, neither did she.

Angst!Fic2-The GOOD kind of Spam

2004-03-14T03:13:48Z

Read Part 1 Here

Author: TopazAngel
Title: Everything Falls Apart 2/?
Rating: R (not in this chapter, but will be by the end)
Word count: 1594
Fandom: Angel
Genre: Angst
Pairing: Cordelia/Lindsey, Cordelia/Angel, (Angel/Darla, Lindsey/Darla Implied)
Spoilers: None
Timeline: Before ‘Offspring,’ after ‘Billy’
Teaser: As Cordelia’s visions worsen, Darla comes back with a surprise. Cordelia has no choice but to confide in an outsider who just happens back in town.
Distribution: My C/L site, CCF.net, anyone else ask and you can have. Just leave my name on it.
Feedback: Please?
Disclaimer: The characters belong to Joss, David, ME, and all those names that you all should know by now.
Dedication: Tonnie for A) being my C/L partner in crime B) Encouraging me to do this C) Being Cordy to my Lindsey. Sigh. D) For always reading over my stuff in IM so that I know it doesn’t suck *before* I post.
Additional Notes: Yes this is a WiP, but its not like my other WiPs. I actually have it planned in my head, and I know exactly where it is going. I believe in all honesty this fic is going to be some of my best writing to date, and I don't compliment myself often, so I would really like to know what you think.

Cordelia slept in the next day. Not because of the massive hangover. Well, not completely for that reason. But mostly because she had decided that it wasn’t worth it to go up there and fight all day. Which would inevitably happen.

She would make some comment about Darla being a bitchy slutty vampire. Wesley would go on about looking through his books to find a reason. Angel would brood. They would all yell. And she would end up coming home early anyway.

She liked her logic. It gave her an extra day off.

She slipped out of the covers and off the bed. Today was going to be a total relaxation day. No thoughts of Angel, Darla, demon babies, or the office. And hopefully the powers would agree with this plan and that would get rid of the visions for the day as well. Because a splitting migraine was no way to relax.

Cordelia made her way through the hallway, and stepped into the living room.

“That’s right Cordy. You just sit down and watch some TV. No worrying about the office or Angel. Or the stupid killer visions. Its just you and your remote control all day,” she whispered to herself, walking around to the sofa.

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” she screamed, noticing the semi-large man sleeping on her couch.

Lindsey jumped almost a foot off the couch.

“What the *hell* are you doing here!?” she screamed.

“What? Huh?” he rubbed his eyes trying to wake himself up, “you don’t remember last night?”

“What is there to remember about last night?” she asked cautiously. The last thing she wanted to hear was that she had gotten drunk and brought the enemy home for a good time.

“What? No! Nothing,” he paused “nothing like that. I walked you home from Caritas. You were drunk off your ass by the way,” he laughed slightly, still amused by her behavior from the previous night, and you passed out as soon as we walked through the door. I wanted to make sure you were okay, so I stayed. Your ghost carried you into your room and put you to bed. I was on the couch the whole time.”

“Oh right, because you’re such the perfect gentleman,” no way she was believing this story. Lindsey McDonald was far from a gentleman from what she remembered. And it was highly coincidental that Wolfram and Hart’s former golden boy was back in town just in time for Darla to show up to turn her world upside down again.

“I was being a nice guy. You appreciated it a lot more when you were drunk.”

“Well, now I am thinking clearly, and I want you out of my apartment,” she said forcefully.

“What no thank you?” he smirked. In reality, this was exactly what he had expected. He almost hadn’t stayed there, but for some reason he really did want to make sure she was alright.

“No!” she screamed, “Why would I thank you? You are a slimy, sleazy, evil lawyer, who, by the way, has tried to murder me! Why would I thank you?”

“Last night you said was, and this a direct quote, ‘cute guy with a swoon-worthy voice,’” he smirked again. She was kind of cute when she got annoyed.

“Are you sure you weren’t the one that got with the drunk? Because I would never say anything resembling that! First of all, good looking? Yuck. I like my men taller. And swoon worthy voice? Sorry Mister Cocky, but no. Once upon a time maybe I thought you had a good voice, but swoon-worthy? Huh-uh. No way,” she paused, “Anyway, how do I know you really stayed on the couch last night?” she changed the subject, “you could be some psycho rapist or something who molested me in my sleep!”

“And I’m sure he would allow that,” gestures to the now floating remote control.

“Damn it! Now look what you’ve done! Dennis has the remote. Which means my relax in front of the TV and enjoy day? Becomes sit in front of the TV and grumble about Dennis watching crappy old sitcoms from back in his day!”

“Hey, its not my fault you bit my head off for trying to do something nice!” he yelled, defensively.

She rolled her eyes. She didn’t need this. She wasn’t in the mood to deal with Lindsey. Or argue.

“You know what? I’d rather be at work with Angel and his pregnant vampbitch, then sit around here with you!”

“What? Cordelia, are you sure you aren’t still drunk? Last time I checked vampires? Couldn’t get pregnant.”

“Well, apparently Darla and Angel? The big exception of the millennium.”

Lindsey almost felt his heart drop. Darla. There was a name he thought he would never hear again.

“Darla?” he whispered softly.

“Yes Darla,” Cordelia rolled her eyes, “What is it with this vampire that every man I am associated with loves her?”

“I don’t, I mean, Darla is here? In LA?”

“Yes. She’s here. She’s about eight months pregnant, and as far as I know at the damn hotel right now with Wesley standing over her going ‘Hmm. What a miracle. I just can’t possibly figure it out,’” she mocked Wesley’s accent, a little better than she had when drunk mind you, though still badly.

“Cordelia, are you sure this isn’t from some tequila induced dream you had last night?”

“UGH! Yes, I’m sure. Why the hell is it so hard to believe that Darla and Angel did the nasty and he got her pregnant?” she paused a moment, thinking about what she said, “Okay, ignore the part about it being not hard to believe that she’s pregnant. But the part about those two doing the nasty? So not a shock,” she groaned through her teeth.

“Its just. I can’t believe it,” Lindsey was hurt. Not because he was surprised about what had happened. He had known they had slept together. But she was here. Now. With him.

“Well, believe it,” she said grabbing her purse from the coffee table and spinning to leave. She turned back for a moment, “and be gone before I get home from work.”

*****

“Guys! I’m here!” Cordelia called into the hotel. It didn’t look like anyone was around, “Wes, Gunn, Angel? Anyone?”

“Cordelia! We’re in here!” Fred called from the offices.

Cordelia made her way through the lobby and into the office. There they were. Everyone. Including Darla.

“Cordelia, I thought perhaps you wouldn’t be in today,” Wesley said with a slight smile.

“Yeah well, neither did I,” she said under her breathe.

“What was that?” he asked.

“Nothing,” she smiled, “I’m just feeling a little blah today. You know, it happens,” she said with a fake smile.

“Ah yes, well, grab a book. We’ve all been trying to figure this pregnancy thing out,” Wesley handed her a stack of three books, “these haven’t been looked at yet.

‘Maybe I should fake a vision to get out of this,’ she thought to herself, but thought better of it, ‘Nah. Then I would just go home to find dumb ass lawyer boy on the couch with my snack food.’

“Cordelia?” Angel interrupted her thoughts.

“Huh?”

“Are you sure you’re alright? Maybe you shouldn’t-”

“I’m fine! Alright? Why does everyone think I’m not fine all the time?” she asked, “You know what? No. Never mind. I don’t want to hear it. I’m just gonna say that I can take care of myself and you all need to stop asking. Now.”

“Cordelia, I’m sorry, I jus-”

“No Angel. Don’t be sorry. I don’t want you to apologize. I don’t want to,” her voice began to trail off, “hear it,” she grabbed her head and fell back onto the floor. She screamed from the pain. She felt like her skull was splitting in two. It always felt like that. It wasn’t something she would ever be used to.

Her mind cleared, but the pain didn’t. It always lingered long after the vision was over with. Sometimes for days.

“Cordy, are you okay?” Angel asked hovering over her.

“I’m fine,” she said grumpily.

“Are you sure,” Wesley asked.

She knew they meant well. But she also knew they knew she wasn’t fine. It was something they all should have accepted by now. The visions weren’t getting better. They never would. It was just going to get worse until it couldn’t get worse anymore. She just hadn’t told her friends exactly how bad it had gotten.

They would just worry. More than they already did.

“Yes,” she said.

“This is the crack team that saves the day?” Darla chimed in from across the room, “Its been a good two minutes and no one’s even asked what she saw.”

“Gee Darla, thanks for your concern,” Cordelia rolled her eyes.

“I hate to say it, but she’s right. Cordelia, we need to know what was in your vision,” Wesley said, putting a comforting hand on her shoulder.

“It was a girl and a big slimy demon with two horns, really ugly. They were at a bar in downtown LA. Not sure how long you have.”

Angel and Gunn rushed to the weapons cabinet.

“We’ll be back to work on this Darla,” Angel said before they turned back to leave.

“Are you going to be okay Cordelia?” Wesley asked.

“Yeah, but if its alright with you? I think I’m gonna head out. Vision migraine and all,” she rubbed at her temples.

“Yes, of course.”

‘Lindsey’s ass had better be gone,’ she thought as she turned to leave the hotel.

Keep the feedback comin!

Angst!Fic 1/? AKA-Why Toppie isn't on AIM today.

2004-03-13T21:39:54Z

Author: TopazAngel
Title: Everything Falls Apart 1/?
Rating: R (not in this chapter, but will be by the end)
Word count: 2898
Fandom: Angel
Genre: Angst/Romance
Pairing: Cordelia/Lindsey, Cordelia/Angel, (Angel/Darla, Lindsey/Darla Implied)
Spoilers: None
Timeline: Before ‘Offspring,’ after ‘Billy’
Teaser: As Cordelia’s visions worsen, Darla comes back with a surprise. Cordelia has no choice but to confide in an outsider who just happens back in town.
Distribution: My C/L site, CCF.net, anyone else ask and you can have. Just leave my name on it.
Feedback: Please?
Disclaimer: The characters belong to Joss, David, ME, and all those names that you all should know by now.
Dedication: Tonnie for A) being my C/L partner in crime B) Encouraging me to do this C) Being Cordy to my Lindsey. Sigh. D) For always reading over my stuff in IM so that I know it doesn’t suck *before* I post.
Additional Notes: Yes this is a WiP, but its not like my other WiPs. I actually have it planned in my head, and I know exactly where it is going. I believe in all honesty this fic is going to be some of my best writing to date, and I don't compliment myself often, so I would really like to know what you think.

“Angel! Wesley! I’m heading out early tonight!” Cordelia called into the office where the men had been comparing notes about their current case.

“May I ask why?” Wesley popped his head out of the office door.

“Because I’m just wasting space here?” she questioned with a bright smile.

“What if you have a vision?” he asked pointedly.

“Hello! Technology has come a long way smart guy! I think I know how to pick up a phone!” she argued, “please? I’ve had a long day, and I’m supposed to go to the stylist tomorrow. Do you have any idea how long its been since I’ve had someone else do my hair? Too long,” she answered her own question, almost pouting.

Wesley hesitated slightly.

“I do suppose Angel and I have things handled for now,” he said with a slight smile.

“Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!” she beamed, “I’ll stay late tomorrow night! I promise!”

“Yes, well, you know I’ll hold you to that.”

“I know,” she said with a roll of her eyes, “Night Wes!” she called back as she turned to leave.

Cordelia stepped out of the doors of the Hyperion. She hadn’t been entirely truthful about her reason for leaving early.

She didn’t want them worry, but the vision she had had earlier in the night was wearing heavy on her. All the visions recently had been weighing heavy. She didn’t want Angel, Wes, and Gunn to think she couldn’t handle it.

She could. Or at least she liked to tell herself that she could. She knew it wouldn’t be long before she was forced to tell them what the doctors had been saying all along.

They were killing her.

She paused as she felt a slight chill down the back of her neck. She shook her head, deciding it must have just been a cool breeze.

“Get a grip Cordy, its night time in California. There is bound to be a breeze now and then,” she began to walk down the steps again, glancing behind her should. Just in case.

She tried to convince herself that she hadn’t seen that shadowy figure pass.

“Is anyone there?” she asked, shaking her head, “You’re losing it Cordelia,” she whispered.

“Hold it right there,” a familiar voice said from behind her.

Cordelia almost didn’t want to turn around. She knew that voice all to well. She had had too much experience with that voice.

“Darla,” she said flatly, not turning around. Just knowing.

“You might want to be here for this,” she said before turning to walk into the hotel.

Cordelia stood still. Something told her to just go. Walk away. Not let curiosity get the best of her.

Especially after what happened the last time Darla and Angel were in the same vicinity.

She heard the door open and close before turning back around.

“Dammit, I’m just asking for trouble, aren’t I?” she cursed herself silently.

She looked on in shock as she opened the door.

“What the…?” her eyes widened. This wasn’t happening. Hell no. It was impossible, wasn’t it.
“Oh Angel? Remember me?” Darla called to the office.

He stepped out slowly. She was the last person he expected to see again. In fact, he really wanted to forget he had seen her the last time they met.

It hadn’t been his finest hour.

He was ready to forget it. Put the whole event behind him. From the looks of things, that didn’t seem like a possibility.

“Darla.”

“Angel,” she said rubbing a hand over her stomach, “Surprised?”

“What’s going on here?” he asked, staring at her in shock. In disbelief of what he was seeing.

“What does it look like Angel?” Darla asked him condescendingly. She made her way to the couch, and slowly sat down.

“I don’t get it. This is a-”

“Miracle,” Wesley whispered, cutting Angel off.

“Umm, hello! Miracle? I’m thinking a lot of words right now, and miracle isn’t one of them!” Cordelia chimed in, making her way towards Angel.

“What the hell is this Angel? First of all, vampire? Pregnant? Can that even happen? And second of all, if it did happen, I can only think of one way it would have anything to do with you, and I hope its not that. For your sake,” she was angry.

She had the right to be.

“Cordelia, I know what this is looks like.”

“Oh do you? Because I think it looks like you had some wild night with Darla and then lied to us all by saying that was something you would never do!” Cordelia glared at him. He didn’t like when she glared at him.

He didn’t like seeing her angry or upset. Especially when he was the cause. He had caused her enough pain in the last year, and this wasn’t going to help their friendship. Their friendship which up until a few months ago, was seemingly going to be non-existent because of his actions.

“I., uh, I can’t really-”
“Oh come on Angel. Don’t lie to protect her,” Darla looked to Cordelia, almost mocking her with words, “One night. Three times,” she smiled wickedly, “What Angel didn’t go off and brag to his friends how one night of screwing the evil ex made him realize what a mistake he was making and all that hero nonsense? I’m shocked.”

“Darla, maybe you should leave,” Angel was getting angry.

“No,” Cordelia said forcefully.

“What?” He was confused. Cordelia was telling Darla not to leave?

“I’ll go. You two obviously have some things to work out, and you can’t very well kick her out on her ass like that,” there was a hint of sadness in Cordelia’s voice. No. Not sadness. Disappointment.

In him. She was disappointed in him.

“Cordy, I-” he started to apologize.

“Don’t Angel. I don’t want to hear it alright. Just let me go home,” she frowned, turning back towards the door of the hotel.

“Just let her go Angel. Its probably for the best,” she heard Wesley tell him gently.

“Yeah, okay,” he turned to Darla, “We need to figure this out anyway.”

*****

Cordelia wrapped her arms around her body tightly as she walked down the darkened street.

Maybe walking alone in LA at night wasn’t the smartest thing, but she couldn’t go home. She had too much on her mind.

Angel and Darla. Together. It shouldn’t have bothered her so much. She couldn’t figure out why she was even dwelling on it. Angel was a guy. Just a guy who she was friends with.

And for some reason knowing that he had done that. With Darla. It hurt her. A lot.

Not only that, but there was a child involved. And Cordelia didn’t want to try to figure out how that happened.

Miracle. What in the hell was Wesley thinking. Darla and Angel having a kid? That was everything but a miracle.
Fluke? Maybe. Disaster? Definitely. But miracle? No.

Cordelia turned on to a familiar street. She knew where she was going. Home probably would have been better. But she wasn’t in the mood to drown her sorrows in ice cream. She needed something just a little bit stronger.

Cordelia walked into Caritas to the sounds of a very tone deaf demon attempting to sing “Wild Wild West.”

Cordelia laughed slightly to herself, only for a moment before turning to the bar. There was one thing she could always count on about this place, it was sure to give a good laugh. If only a brief one.

“Hey sugar, the usual tonight?” Lorne walked up behind her. She turned with a frown, something Lorne wasn’t very used to seeing on her face.

“I was thinking something a bit stronger. Tequila maybe?”

“Honey, the last time you had tequila,” he paused for a moment, looking at her sadly, “are you alright sweetie, you look a little-”

“Worn out? Tired? Sick? All of the above and then some,” she said dryly, “I haven’t had a very good night.”

“Tom,” he nodded at her and called to the bartender, “get Cordy here some of our best tequila. And make it quick.”

“Thanks Lorne.”

The bartender was back in what seemed like half a second to Cordelia. Probably some kind of demon. That wouldn’t surprise her one bit. He poured her a large glass and left the bottle next to her on the bar.

“And Tom? This is on the house,” Lorne called to him before turning back to Cordelia, “So, what’s on your mind? You look like you need to talk about something, and bad.”

“I’m fine,” she lied, putting on her best fake smile.

“Cordelia Chase. You should know by now you can’t fool me. I know when something is wrong, and you are definitely giving off some painful vibes right now,” he frowned and sighed deeply, “you don’t have to talk to me sweetie, but you can’t bottle it up either. Why don’t you sing? That’s a nice way to get it all out.”

“You just want me to sing,” she laughed slightly.

“Maybe,” he winked at her, “Come on Cordy. Promise you’ll feel better.”

“Maybe after a few more tequilas.”

About four tequilas later, Cordelia was flipping through a song book by the stage with Lorne looking over her shoulder.

“I told you, no Whitney, Aretha, or Christina sweetie. We wouldn’t want them rolling over in their non-existent graves, now would we?”

“Hey! Watch it buddy!” she glared at him, “I may be drunk, but I can still kick your ass,” she said with slightly slurred speech.

“Not in here you can’t,” he said with slight relief in his voice, “Now sweetie, why don’t we go for some nice Madonna, or oh look, Britney! I’m sure you could sing her under the table!”

“OOO!” Cordelia squealed, “I love this song!” she pointed wildly at the book, “This one. I’m singing this one,” she smiled widely.

“Great choice,” he said, without much enthusiasm, “I don’t hear that one enough,” he mumbled sarcastically under his breath.

Cordelia ran up on stage, and readied the microphone. Apparently, the alcohol had raised her spirits because she was bouncing around on stage as she did her rendition of “I Will Survive.” She finished up and did a little curtsey before walking off stage.

“You know what Lorne? You were totally right,” she nodded, “I feel soooo much better. I mean, who cares if that asshole Angel wants to have hot and sweaty wild nights with evil vampires and not tell anyone, right? Because he doesn’t matter. He’s…he’s…” she paused for a moment, “he a crap weasel!” Cordelia said as the walked over to the bar. She picked up her now full glass of tequila.

“A crap weasel?” Lorne asked, “Cordy sweetie, that’s it. I’m cutting you off,” he told her, taking the glass out of her hand.

“What? No!” she said reaching for the glass.

“Sorry honey, but I don’t want to be responsible for anything you may do while either under the influence of this or trying to lie through the hangover you are going to have when you show up at the office in the morning.”

“Pfft. I am so not going to the office tomorrow. Angel’s sorry ass can have his own visions,” she slammed her hand down on the bar.

“This whole Darla thing is really effecting you isn’t it honey?”

“What? Pssh. No way. What or who Angel does in his spare time is none of my business,” she said, looking away from him.

“Honey, again, who are you talking to here? I know that it bothers you.”

“Look, Angel can screw whoever he wants. I just want to be at a bar and wallow. Which is what I am doing. I’m wallowing. And tomorrow I will wake up with all the wallow out of my system, and I will go back to being Angel’s vision girl. I won’t complain, and I’ll let Wes get all ‘Oh! Baby vampire! Its such a miracle!’” she said, mocking Wesley’s accent.

“Did you just say-” Lorne began, but she cut him off before he could finish.

“Miracle my ass. This is a disaster. A disaster I tell you. Darla? A mother? Come the hell on! That’s gotta be like, the universes practical joke on earth!” Cordelia continued her rant, “And Angel? Mr. BroodyPants? A father? Like he could even raise a DOG!”

“Cordelia. Calm down and tell Lorne that this isn’t some hallucination brought on by the tequila,” he said calmly.

“No, I’m NOT going to calm down. You know what? I think I am going to go home, and leave an angry message on his answering machine. Or well, the offices answering machine. Because I am so not coming to work tomorrow. He LIED. Lied to me and everything. You don’t lie to Cordelia Chase. You just don’t. Thanks Lorne,” she smiled at him, “you were a big help!” she hugged him tightly and began out of the bar.

Cordelia walked out of the bar a lot more happy than she had walked in. Apparently alcohol was good for her. She began walking down the alley, searching through her purse for a stake, “you can never be too careful,” she mumbled.

She walked as she fumbled. Apparently not a good idea. She hadn’t gotten a foot before she bumped right into someone. Or at least, she hoped it was someone. And not something. She had a stake, but she wasn’t sure she could fight anything off what with the dizziness that was forming and all.

“In a hurry?” a male voice asked.

“Oh good, you’re human,” she breathed a sigh of relief, looking up, “Hey! You’re Lindsey! I know you! You’re evil! And not supposed to be in LA!” her speech slurred as she began to raise her voice.

“I’m not?” he was slightly amused at the situation, “I wasn’t aware that Angel and his band of heroes could place restrictions on who comes in and out of the city.”
“Angel. Pfft. And, well, we can’t. But you went all evil handed and told Angel you weren’t coming back! I remember!” she argued.

“Well, I lied,” he smirked slightly, “we evil handed people sometimes do that.”

“You know, Angel was right, you are very very annoying.”

“And you’re drunk.”

“What? No way!” she lied, “besides, what if I was? Likes its any of your business, Born Again Boy?” she paused, “Or is it Born Again Again Boy now? I lost track. Di you come back for another six figure salary? Or did they just offer you some gold coins?”

“Hey, give me some credit here. I’m not with Wolfram and Hart anymore.”

“Yeah, right. What is this? Some ‘send the cute guy with the swoon-worthy voice to win over Angel’s vision girl’ plan? Because its not gonna work buddy. I see right through you.”

“You think I have a swoon-worthy voice huh?” he smirked slightly, very amused at how open Cordelia was when drunk.

“No. That’s not what I meant.”

“Uh-huh,” he said, pausing, “so what brings you to this side of town alone? I thought you hero-champion types stuck together.”

“What? Like I have to follow him around like a puppy dog? No. He’s my boss, or well, Wesley’s my boss. Angel’s just. A crap weasel! And he and his bitchy crap weasel blonde bitch can go do whatever they want whenever they want. Its not my business.”

“Whoa. Looks like I hit a touchy subject,” he laughed slightly, thinking over what she said, “He’s a crap weasel?”

“Why does everyone get so surprised by that word? Yes. He is a crap weasel. A weasel of crap. Its not that hard of a concept!” she retorted.

“Okay. Got it. Crap weasel. Remind me never to run into you drunk again,” he said, rolling his eyes slightly.

“Like you could!”

“What?” he laughed, “Was that supposed to be insulting? I’m thinking alcohol? Not good for your verbal barb skills.”

“Pfft.”

“Pfft? That’s all you can come up with? Pfft?”

“Why? Do you have something against the word pfft?”

“Its just not a good insult or a word for that matter,” he laughed slightly, followed by a brief pause, “look, I know you hate me and all, but you shouldn’t be walking around LA at night drunk. Alone. Let me make sure you get home okay.”

“I don’t need you to make sure I get home okay. I can get home okay alone. I’ve done a bagillion times!”

“Again. Not a word,” he chuckled a bit.

“Bite me.”

“Nah, wouldn’t want to take advantage of you in your drunken state,” he smirked at her.

“Oh please, that wasn‘t high school at all!” she said, beginning to walk off.

“Come on Cordelia, I’m serious. I was just going to stop off and sing a song for Lorne, but you shouldn’t walk home alone.”

“You promise you don’t have some ulterior motive? Like oh? Knocking me unconscious and taking me back to Wolfram and Hart so they can do some kind of experiment on my vision filled brain?”

“You have my word,” he smiled softly at her.

“Yeah,” she rolled her eyes, “that’s what I’m afraid of,” she paused for a moment, trying to figure out whether she should believe him or not.

Blame the alcohol, but right now she trusted him more than she trusted Angel.

Anyone wondering? The title came to me because I was thinking of the Sugar Ray song "Falls Apart."

Angsty C/X Fic for Rain Fic A Thon

2004-03-05T04:54:37Z

Author: TopazAngel
Title: Weakness
Rating: PG
Word count: 947
Fandom: Buffy
Genre: Angst
Pairing: Cordelia/Xander
Spoilers: None
Teaser: Cordelia thinks about things after catching Xander with Willow.
Distribution: cff.net and anyone else who may ask.
Feedback: I need it.
Disclaimer: Not mine. Joss'.
Dedication: Rainie. Written for the RainieFicAThon.

Cordelia wanted to curl up and die.

Most of the time she wished that gash in the stomach had been just a little higher. That it had killed her.

She wouldn’t have to be here now. Feeling sorry for herself over an asshole like Xander Harris.

Because that was something Cordelia didn’t do. She didn’t feel sorry for herself. And she didn’t get broken hearted over some guy.

Not this guy.

She found herself trying to figure out when things had changed.

When had Xander Harris become this guy she let hurt her like this. He was nothing. A loser. A coward. Everything she never wanted.

But he could be sweet. And he could be loving.

And he was a good kisser. She frowned even thinking about it. There were times when they were together where she could see them together, even after high school. After college.

Forever.

She mentally kicked herself. She couldn’t have these thoughts. Couldn’t think about what could have been.

Because it wasn’t.

It was all a lie. Their relationship. Those late night conversations about them. About how much he cared about her. About how he didn’t want to hurt her.

He had lied. Betrayed. Cheated.

With her friend.

She loved him. She never told him. But she did. More than she ever thought she could. More than she should have.

She wanted him with her now. Close to her. Kissing her.

She immediately kicked that thought from her head. She couldn’t want him. Couldn’t think about the good times they had had. Because it meant nothing.
To him anyway.

To her it had meant everything.

She had changed for the better. Because of him. She wasn’t the cold bitch she always had been. She cared. She thought of others. Well, she tried to care anyway. Sometimes her old self would come out to insult Buffy’s hair or Willow’s clothing, but the important thing was that he made her want to be better.

Being with him had made her realize there was so much more to life than the money and the popularity.

There was friendship. There was caring. And more than anything, there was love.

He had shown her it was okay to love. No matter what the circumstance.

And now she had to face the truth.

To him it was nothing. Just fun. If even that.

He had meant so much to her, and he used her. For a make out buddy.

This whole time. She had known. Known that in the end Willow and Buffy were both more important to him than she could ever be.

And the fact that now she had proof of that hurt more than anything. All the times he had told her that wasn’t true. Lies.

And she knew.

And she didn’t do anything to keep herself from getting hurt.

She let herself fall deeper and deeper for him until she had reached the point where she was so sure nothing could ever get in the way.

And it did. Willow did.

Willow. And Xander. Together. And she had seen them. She didn’t want to let herself think about what she could have seen if she and Oz had walked in only moments later.

She gulped down the tears that were welling up in her eyes.

Where was he now? She could imagine. He was with her. Kissing her. Holding her. Doing things with Willow that he should have been doing with her.

And she was here. Lying in this hospital bed. Because of them. Because she couldn’t bear to see them like that.

Intertwined.

Did he love Willow? Had he loved her? Had she meant anything to him?

These were the questions that lingered on Cordelia’s mind. She didn’t want to think about it all, and yet she couldn’t help it.

She wanted to know why.

Why he had done this to her. Why he had turned her into this crying ball of mess when she was supposed to be strong. This wasn’t her. She wasn’t supposed to cry. She was tough. These things didn’t get to her.

And because of him, it was. She was lying here. Crying. Wanting him back.

She could kill him for this. For making her love him. And for turning his back on her. But she wouldn’t. She would see him, and ask him why. She knew she would. She needed to know.

She stared into space. Blank. Not crying. Attempting not to let herself feel.

There was a knock on the door. She turned.

Xander. Standing there. Looking sorry. With flowers. He walked over and sat in chair by the bed.

“Xander?” she said weekly.

She told herself that she couldn’t show him that she cared. That she was hurt.

“Stay away from me,” was all she would let herself stay.

There was so much more she wanted to say. To ask.

But she couldn’t. And she turned away from him.

Staring back at the wall. Anything to keep from looking at him. From seeing the look on his face. That would only make it worse.

She waited until she knew he was gone. Until she knew no one could see her.

She began to cry. Tears streamed down her cheeks.

And she stopped.

This wasn’t her. She wasn’t weak. No one could see her like this. Xander Harris wasn’t going to do this to her.

And she decided.

She was going to show him. She was going to show them. That they couldn’t hurt her. That she was strong. And she could make it.

She wiped the dry tears from her cheeks. Her face hardened. She wasn’t crying anymore.

She wasn’t going to cry anymore.

End.

C/L Fic. Again.

2004-03-04T05:33:12Z

Author: TopazAngel
Title: The Last Time
Rating: PG13. Nothing worse than you’d see on the show.
Word count: 826
Fandom: Angel
Genre: Angst
Pairing: Cordelia/Lindsey (implied C/A)
Spoilers: Season 5. Pretty much all of it.
Teaser: Sort of an alternate ending to You’re Welcome. Starting before the big Angel-Lindsey show down.
Distribution: My upcoming C/L site, cff.net, anyone else, just let me know where its going.
Feedback: I need it.
Disclaimer: Not mine. Joss'.
Dedication: Tonnie. My C/L Partner-In-Crime
Other Notes: This literally came out of nowhere. And its unbetaed.

“No,” Lindsey McDonald looked back at the brunette with a smirk, “Hang out.”

Angel stared for a moment as the door slammed, locking the three of them in the room together.

“Shut it down!” Angel yelled back at her.

“Say please,” Lindsey looked at him, still with a smart-ass grin on his face.

He glanced back at Cordelia, whom he hoped would get the picture.

“Yeah Angel. Say please,” she said, moving over to Lindsey.

Angel looked on in shock. He tried to convince himself he had heard wrong. Or that this was some cruel joke.

“Angel, you look like you’ve seen a ghost, something wrong?” Cordelia said, wrapping an arm around Lindsey.

“Cordelia? What’s going on here?”

“I don’t think he understands. Maybe we should show him?” Lindsey looked at her, smiling almost wickedly.

“My pleasure,” she pulled him close to her, kissing him deeply.

Angel watched. His heart breaking. This was Cordy. His Cordy. And she was kissing him. She was part of this. This game. This trick. This whatever it was.

She wasn’t Cordelia. She couldn’t be. Angel wouldn’t believe it. Cordelia was good. She was true. A champion.

Cordelia and Lindsey broke apart.

“He looks like he lost a puppy,” Cordelia smirked, “What’s wrong Angel? Or wait, let me guess, thinking about how I couldn’t be Cordelia? How I’m so good and pure,” she paused for a second, “Hate to tell you Angel, but you’re wrong. I am Cordelia. You’re Cordelia. Only I’m not yours anymore.”

“Cordelia? What is going on here?” There was a softness in Angel’s voice. He wanted to get through to her. For her to know that she was doing the wrong thing.

“I think you know Angel,” she responded.

“But how? Why?”

“Deal with it Angel,“ there was a slight shift in her voice, “You really think this wasn’t all mapped out? From the second you signed on the dotted line. You didn’t just sign yourself over.”

“But you were in a coma,” Angel was utterly confused. None of this made sense. None of it.

“The senior partners have their ways,” Lindsey said.

“Do you even know what you are dealing with Angel? What you’ve gotten yourself into? What you’ve gotten them into? This isn’t about the powers that be, and being humanities champion anymore. Its about what they,” she pointed up, “want. The senior partners, and they offered me more than you could ever imagine.”

“And what did they give you that I couldn’t?”

“A life,” she said coldly, “Lindsey, I’m getting bored. We should get this over with.”

Lindsey nodded, smirking slightly, “Anything for you babe,” he walked over to Angel, and punched him swiftly in the jaw.

Angel fell, partly because he wasn’t in the mindset to fight. His mind was on Cordelia, and what he had done to cause this change in her. Why she had woken up like this. With Lindsey. Fooling him. Fooling all of them. He knew it. This wasn’t Cordelia. She wouldn’t do anything for the senior partners. She wasn’t like that.

No matter what they had offered her.

Lindsey kicked him in the side. Again. And again. Before Angel could get up, she was standing over him, looking at him. The softness in her eyes was gone. Instead it was dark. Cold. But it was her.

“What happened to you Angel? The vampire I knew would fight back,” she smirked slightly at him.

“Cordy, you don’t want this.”

“Oh, I think I do.”

Lindsey kicked him once more. Cordelia looked at him, smiling, and pulled a stake, seemingly from out of nowhere.

“Would you like to do the honors?” She asked him.

“Oh, nothing would give me more joy,” he took the stake from her hand, and kneeled down, “it almost hurts to do this,” he paused, “or not,” he plunged the stake into Angel’s chest, and the vampire turned to dust.

He stood.

Lindsey placed his arm around Cordelia’s waist.

The senior partners had gotten what they wanted. Angel gone. They had, at first thought offering him everything he had ever wanted would do the trick. It turned out, only Angel couldn’t be swayed by everything Wolfram and Hart had to offer.

So they went to her. In her dreams. In visions. Whatever you want to say. Explained what had happened. What had to be done.

And the senior partners had arranged for her to meet Lindsey secretly, through astral projection. Eve was a pawn. A decoy. And they planned.

And she woke up. And fooled them all. And got the senior partners what they had wanted.

“You know what this means?” he asked.

“You and I are out of Wolfram and Hart for good. Both of us,” she replied, with a slight smile.

“For good.”

“So what to you want to do now?” she asked.

“Go anywhere that isn’t LA,” he said, leading her out of the basement, and Wolfram and Hart.

For the last time.

Alias Slash FicAThon

2004-03-02T02:36:03Z

Title: Rules of the Game
Author: TopazAngel
Rating: I'd say NC17, but its probably closer to R (one short sex scene)
Fandom: Alias
Pairing: Lauren/Irina
Word Count: 1567
Spoilers: Season 3. Pretty much the whole thing.
Teaser: Sydney’s been killed, and Irina knows who did it.
Disclaimer: JJ Abrams owns all. I’m just using the characters for my own selfish reasons.
Notes: Alias SlashFicAThon entry. I don’t know that its as smutty as you wanted, but I really did try. But R is as far as I could get it to go. Also, you wanted character death, but you weren’t specific, so I played around with it. This really took a different direction than intended. I don't know why my muse always does this. *eyes her* Admittedly, there are some inconsistancies, but I tend to see that in my own fic when no one else does, so yay if you don't catch it. I'm very sorry if you do.

Written for GDaughter in the AliasSlashFicAThon.

Irina stood in the shadows. Watching. She watched as Lauren played the dutiful wife to Michael Vaughn. Pretended to be his crying shoulder.

Irina knew it was all an act. No one could be that supportive in this situation. It was clear to Irina that Vaughn was in love with Sydney. From the time she had come back into his life until the time she was gone again he hadn’t thought about anything else.

Lauren knew it too.

Irina watched as Vaughn walked from one room to the next, saying he just needed to rest. He wasn’t feeling well. Lauren looked sympathetic, but really she wasn’t. She wasn’t anything. Irina knew that look well. The look of betrayal.

As soon as the room was clear of Michael, Irina stepped from the bushes and knocked on the door of the home that Lauren and Michael shared.

Lauren opened it swiftly.

“Irina Derevko. I was beginning to think you were a myth,” Lauren stated coldly.

“Lauren Vaughn. You’re probably wondering why I’m here.”

“I have a few ideas in mind,” she hesitated slightly, “I’m assuming you know.”

“Know that you are a double agent?” she nodded, “yes. I know.”

“Why are you here exactly? To tell me that you understand? That you’ve been there before? Or are you going to tell me that I’m making a mistake? That I’ll regret it someday. That I’ll realize what I’m losing because of it. Because that’s what you did?” she questioned the other woman.

“No. I’m here because I know you killed my daughter,” Lauren opened her mouth to reply, but Irina wouldn’t allow it, “I don’t care what you do, or if you hurt Michael Vaughn. You could kill a hundred people, and I wouldn’t give a damn. But Sydney was my daughter.”

“Your daughter that you had in a fake marriage. Lauren Vaughn isn’t a reality. And neither was Laura Bristow. And you what? You feel guilty about what you did to Jack Bristow and your own daughter. You want more than anything to make up for the ‘mistakes’ you made, so you’re here to seek vengeance. You couldn’t even if you wanted to.”

“I suppose not. I’m a fugitive, and there is a CIA agent in the other room,” she paused slightly, a slight smirk forming on her lips, “You could call him in here if you wanted to. Tell him I’m here.”

“You know I can’t do that.”

“Oh right,” she nodded, “you’d risk blowing your cover. Can I ask you a question?”

“I’d really rather you not,” Lauren snapped, moving to slam the door on the other woman.

It was an inch from her face when Irina slammed her hand up, holding the door open. She was strong enough to keep Lauren from forcing it closed, even though Lauren was putting her weight into it.

“I’m sorry. I guess you thought you had a choice.”

“I will wake him up,” Lauren said forcefully, “I could easily say you’ve threatened my life. He would believe me.”

“I don’t think you’d do that,” Irina retorted. She crossed her arms in front of her, stepping away from the door, “you’re coming with me.”

“And what makes you think I’d do that?”

Irina stepped forward. She was standing less than an inch away from Lauren now. She was so close Lauren could feel Irina’s warm breath hitting her skin, “because you don’t have a choice.”

Lauren fell to the floor, and Irina picked up her. She closed the door quietly so as not to wake Vaughn, and carried Lauren to a car that was parked a few houses down.

*****

Irina pulled the car into the parking lot of a small, dingy looking hotel. She looked around to make sure they hadn’t been followed, and carried the other woman into a room.

Lauren woke up a few minutes later. She looked around, slightly confused. It wasn’t long before she remembered what had happened.

“Michael is going realize I’m not there.”

“If you make this easy on yourself, he won’t get the chance.”

“What do you want with me?”
“You already know the answer to that.”

“I suppose I do,” she hesitated, “You want to know why I did it. Why I killed Sydney Bristow.”

“I do.”

“I was told to. You know the rules of the game we play. You do what you are told, and you don’t get killed in the process. Sydney was an obstacle for the people I work for. She had to be dealt with, so I dealt with her.”

“I suppose I should have a certain level of understanding,” she shook her head, not wanting to relate to Lauren at this point in time, “Who do you work for?”

“Do you really think I would tell you that?”

Irina walked to the bed and sat on the edge, a slight smirk on her face, “I do.”

“And why is that?”

“Because I can keep you here as long as I want to. And the longer you are here, the more of a chance they have to figure out exactly what you are doing. That you are playing with their heads. And trust me they’ll find out,” she hesitated, “they always do.”

“What do you want with me?”

Irina looked away from her, staring at a spot on the wall, “have you ever been locked up? Separated from everything you’ve even known? Forced to stay away from the only family you’ve ever know? Its harder than you think,” she breathed in deeply, swallowing hard, “right now you think you have it figured out. You do your job, you get to live. But that’s not how it works. Believe it or not, there will come a day where you realize you made a mistake. You lost everything, and there is no one to blame but yourself.”

Lauren closed her eyes. She wasn’t hearing this. She didn’t want to hear this. She knew that Irina had been there. Irina had done the same thing she was doing, but that didn’t mean they were the same person. Lauren wouldn’t let herself feel guilty. It wasn’t in her nature.

“No offense Miss Derevko, but we are not the same person, and I’d much rather you leave me out of your self pity. I don’t feel sorry for what I’ve done, and I have no feelings for Michael Vaughn. Not everyone lets personal feelings get in the way of the job they have to do.”

Irina spun around to look Lauren face to face. She made it a point to make eyes contact with the other woman. Lauren looked away. That told Irina she was lying. She didn’t press the issue. She wanted to, but thought better of it.

“If that’s all, I think I’ll be going,” Lauren said, sitting up on the bed.

“I can’t make you apologize for my daughter’s death. I know that,” she hesitated, “but just think about what you will do when they ask you to kill him.”

Lauren stopped moving.

“They won’t do that.”

“Do you care?” Irina smirked.

“No,” she said too quickly.

She looked away from Irina, “I suppose you live with someone long enough and you get used to them.”

Irina moved closer to Lauren.

“I understand,” she whispered. Lauren could once again feel Irina’s breath on her skin. She thought of moving away, but couldn’t. Something was stopping her.

“What do you want?” she whispered again, looking up at Irina. But there was no fear or anger. She looked upset. Almost apologetic.

“I don’t want anything,” Irina said, inching closer to the other woman.

Lauren tried to hold herself back, but she couldn’t. There was something keeping her from moving away. She tried to force herself to move, but before she knew it the two women where only millimeters away from each other.

Lauren closed her eyes tightly. She hadn’t expected this. Tried to tell herself she didn’t want it. But something wasn’t allowing her to act on those thoughts.

She felt Irina’s lips touch her own. Soft at first, the kiss grew deep. Lauren parted her lips, and allowed Irina’s tongue to find its way into her mouth. The kiss was hungry. Passionate.

They fell back onto the bed. Irina explored Lauren’s body with her hands.

Lauren didn’t know why she was doing this. It wasn’t exactly something she made a habit of doing. But she couldn’t stop herself.

She felt Irina’s hand slip into her pajama bottoms, and let out a little groan as Irina moved two fingers inside her.
Lauren breathed heavily as Irina’s fingers explored her inside. She closed her eyes tightly. She wanted to believe this wasn’t happening, but she knew it was. She was in a hotel room, allowing Sydney Britsow’s mother do these things to her.

And she was enjoying it.

She moaned loudly as she reached her orgasm.

Irina stopped what she was doing, and sat up on the bed.

And it was over.

“This never happened,” she said, standing, “leave,” she added forcefully.

Lauren just nodded, and compiled herself. She didn’t want to say anything. It was obvious Irina didn’t want to hear it. She left.

Irina looked down at the ground, and looked back up.

She smirked slightly, pulling a cell phone from her pocket.

“The tracer’s been planted,” was all that she said before hanging up, and leaving the hotel room.

Hope you enjoy. :)

OH MY GOD! THERE IS FIC!

2004-02-28T06:05:20Z

Author: TopazAngel
Title: For Now
Rating: NC-17 (a really short, not very graphic love scene)
Word count: 3109
Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Angel
Pairing: Cordelia Chase/Lindsey McDonald
Teaser: High!School!Cordy/Almost!Lawyer!Lindsey+a college tour in Texas=lurve. Okay, really, I just can't think of a better teaser. Just read it. No spoilers. Its pretty AU.
Feedback: Hell yes.
Distribution: My upcoming C/L site, cff.net, anyone else, just let me know where its going.
Disclaimer: Not mine. This is way to silly for Joss.
Dedication: Nando for helping me with the idea. Tonnie cause we are so C/L partners in crime.
Other Notes: Errm. I’m a freak for writing this. You don’t have to tell me. This is pre-money lossage because otherwise I don’t know why in the hell she would be looking to go to Rice U as it is hella expensive.

Cordelia Chase looked around pulling her sunglasses up to the top of her head. She hated the fact that it was spring break, and her father was making her do this whole college tour thing. Like it really mattered where she went. She would just spend four years flirting with frat boys anyway.

But for some reason it mattered to her father. Part of her actually believed it was just a chance to get her out of his hair for a while. He wasn’t exactly the greatest father figure there was.

She looked around for her so-called guide. She wasn’t excited about this little tour by a long shot.

Why in the hell would she want to spend four years of her life in Texas anyway? There was nothing there. Just humidity and really annoying accents.

She glanced down at the piece of paper in her hand. It didn’t say much. The name of her tour guide and a location. She was supposed to meet the Lindsey person in front of the campus bookstore any minute now.

“Of course I would get someone who couldn’t be on time to save their life,” she said under her breath in annoyance.

“Ahem,” a male voice came from behind her.

She spun around, slightly startled, and hit him in the arm with her purse.

“Ow!”

“What the hell!? You so do not just come up behind people and start coughing!” Cordelia hadn’t had very good experience with people sneaking up behind her. In Sunnydale that usually meant you were about to get your neck snapped.
“Hey!” he said, “Relax. I just didn’t want to interrupt that personal monologue you had going.”

“Excuse me! It was not a personal monologue, and who the hell are you anyway? I don’t remember asking for some random cowboy from Texas to come up and scare the crap out of me!”

“No? You are in high school right? You’re here for a tour of the school?”

She looked at him, slightly confused. This was not the type of guy she would normally give the time of day to. He was definitely from the area. You could tell by the accent.

He obviously didn’t even try to dress nicely. He wore jeans and a faded t-shirt. Cordelia had been under the impression that this was an expensive school. This guy certainly didn’t seem to belong there.

“Yes, but I don’t see why that is any of your business,” she said, spinning back around to face the courtyard.

He walked around to where she could see him.

“Cordelia Chase, right?” He asked, extending a hand, “Lindsey McDonald. Your tour guide.”

“You’re Lindsey?” she paused for a moment, glancing him over, “I was expecting someone more…girl-shaped.”

“I kind of get that a lot,” he said laughing slightly.

“Well, it’s understandable. Who in the hell would name their son Lindsey?” Cordelia wasn’t exactly known for her tact.

“Obviously my parents,” he said coldly. Suddenly he wasn’t very excited about this whole tour guide thing.

This girl seemed to be stuck on herself in a big way. Not exactly the type of person Lindsey liked associating himself with.

She was, however, very pretty. He assumed she was one of those girls who was raised knowing that fact, and taught that it would get them through life. That and daddy’s money.

“Yeah, well, someone should inform that you are, in fact, male.”

“Yeah, I’ll do that,” he said sarcastically. This day was already going to be hard enough. He wasn’t about to make it worse by feeding her ego, and trading barbs.

For the next hour he proceeded to show her various sites around the campus, filling as much of the uncomfortable silence as possible. Something told him it wouldn’t be a good idea to let her break the silence.

“Can we like, sit down or something? My feet hurt!” Cordelia interrupted something he had been saying about the registration building.

He glanced down at her feet.

“Maybe if you weren’t walking around in stiletto heals,” he said thoughtlessly.

“Way to show sympathy there pal. Ya know, I thought you southern guys were all supposed to be gentlemen.”

“You mean you actually think?” he asked her coldly.

“Yes!” she paused for a moment, “asshole.”

“Bitch,” he said under his breath, “ahem. Yeah, whatever. Look, we’re almost done, so if you could just keep your mouth shut for like thirty minutes, we can get this over with and never have to speak again.”

“Me? You’re the one droning out little details about the history of the school. I don’t really care why a building has green walls. If anyone here needs to shut up, its you.”

“Well, that would be nice if talking wasn’t what I was being paid to do. But you are the one who signed up for this in the first place, and I am just doing my job.”

“Hello, moron! Do I look like I *want* to be here? I don’t think so. I am here because my father thought it would be a good idea for me to spend my last spring break in high school making my final college decision. This was not my choice. I didn’t sign on for this. Do you really think I am the kind of girl who wants to spend a week off at school? No thank you.”

“Yeah, I figured as much,” he said, coldly.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” she asked.

“It means of course you’re here because of daddy. Of course you aren’t the kind of girl who would complain even though she really has nothing to complain about. Well, let me tell you something rich girl, if you don’t want to be here, fine. I would rather spend my time on someone who actually has to work for what they get. Someone who appreciates the fact that they can actually afford a school like this.” Cordelia had obviously struck a nerve.

“Excuse me!? What gives you the right to act like you know anything at all? Is it my fault you have to work to put yourself through college? I don’t think so buddy.”

“You know what would be really really great right now?” he said, looking her in the eyes angrily.

“What?” she asked, meeting his stare.

He stood there for a moment, not saying anything. He walked up to her, no standing no more than an inch away.

“What the hell is your problem?”

He stopped, close to her face, grabbed her at the waist, and pulled her to his body.

The kiss started rough, but they both fell into it quickly. His hands moved over her back, pulling her even closer to him. She placed her arms around his neck, slightly running her fingers through the bottom of his hair.

They pulled apart slowly, both slightly confused. Her slightly more than him.

“What the hell was that?” she asked, angrily, “I don’t remember my father saying that my guide was going to try to molest me!”

“What?” he paused, breathing deeply, “I didn’t see you trying to stop me!”

“Stop you? How could I stop you? You mauled me!”

“I what?” Cordelia was confusing him. She hadn’t stopped him. She hadn’t tried to stop him. He was starting to think she had some slight mental problems.

“You heard me! And don’t think I’m not going to tell my father either! I will, and then he’ll tell the college that their tour guide is a perverted asshole!”

“You wouldn’t.”

“Oh I would.”

He nodded, “of course you would,” he said, obviously not believing that she would do anything that resembled telling her father that she made out with a college guy.

“I so would!” she screamed.

He laughed slightly, shrugging, “that’s what I said. Don’t you listen?”

“Yes,” she replied defensively. A beat, “I would you know.”

“Its getting repetitive.”

“Whatever,” she crossed her arms, “are we done yet? Because I really am bored, and my feet still hurt.”

He stared her slightly, rolling his eyes. She wasn’t the type of person that generally came on these tours. He had gotten used to showing people around that were actually interested in the school and what it had to offer. She was there because her father and his money wanted her to be there.

He could also tell from her continuous whining that she was spoiled. And that was one thing he really couldn’t stand about some of the people that went here. They got free rides and acted like they thought everyone that had to actually work for where they were wasn’t good enough to breath in the same air.

“Fine. We have one more building to look at.”

They walked in silence to the administration building. She noted the fact that he hadn’t even stopped to tell her anything about buildings on the way. Which she had actually gotten used to.

“Are you pissed?” she asked, breaking the silence.

“Wow, did you figure that out by yourself?” he snapped.

“Jeez, you don’t have to bite my head off,” a brief pause, “Did I do something wrong?”

“Of course not, what could you possibly have done?”

“Hey!” she said, pausing on the path, “Don’t talk to me like that! If I did something wrong I want to know!”

“Fine,” he said, stopping and standing directly in front of her, “you want to know what you did? Ever since this thing started you’ve been a snobby little brat. I’ve seen your kind before. You get what you want when you want it. You have no idea what is going on in the world around you, nor do you care. You probably got accepted into this school because of a friend of your father, and you leech off of daddy, because you know he’ll give you whatever you want. And if you think someone is beneath you socially you treat them like crap, because you think its your God given right as someone who has more money. And most of all you are bitch, just because you think you can get away with it and no one will say anything. Will guess what sweetheart, the real world doesn’t work like that.”

“Are you done?” she asked, crossing her arms in front of her body.

“Yes,” he breathed in deeply.

“I could tell my father about that too ya know,” she looked at him angrily, but her scowl turned into a frown, “but you’re right.”

“What?” he asked, slightly confused to hear her say anything like that.

“I’m only here because of my father’s money. I really have no other reason. I don’t want to go to this school, and I didn’t even turn in my application on time,” she paused, “but according to him its important for me to explore my options,” she said, motioning quote marks.

He looked down at the ground, not entirely sure how to respond, or if he should respond at all.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” she smiled softly.

It threw him a little. He had been walking around with her all day, and this was the first time she had shown any form of a soft side.

“However, I will make you pay for the ranting.”

“Pay?” he asked.

“You’re springing for an early dinner,” she grinned.

“Is this your way of telling me I have to take you on a date?” he laughed slightly as he spoke. For a brief moment Cordelia noticed the light blue of his eyes, but she shook it off.

“Not a date parse. Just dinner.”

“Fine. I guess I can do that.”

“Great, we just have to stop somewhere first,” she said walking away. He followed behind.

*****

They pulled up to a nice looking bed and breakfast, that he assumed her father had some connection to.

“I just have to change. Mostly get out of these shoes,” she said opening the door to his pick up and stepping out, “well, are you coming up, or are you gonna sit in your truck like a retard for half an hour?” she said, closing the door behind her.

“Am I, uhh…” he stopped for a moment, “of course I am,” he said, opening his door and stepping out slowly.

They walked up the steps that lead into a large lobby. Cordelia went to the desk, and said something to the receptionist. Lindsey followed a few steps behind as she walked to her room.

“Are you okay?” she looked at him, almost giggling, but of course, Cordelia Chase didn’t giggle.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“No reason,” she said putting the key in the door and opening it.

He walked it behind her, slowly, glancing around the room. He wasn’t surprised to see the place wasn’t exactly clean. She probably hadn’t had to pick up her own mess her entire life, and maid service had probably done its rounds earlier in the day.

“Feel free to help yourself to the refrigerator. Daddy doesn’t really look at the bill. He just has his people pay it,” she said as she walked into the bathroom, carrying two pieces of clothing, “I just need to get changed into something that goes with my more comfortable shoes.”

“Sounds good,” he said, sitting down on the foot of the bed.

She stepped out a few moments later looking almost like a different girl.

She had on a pair of loose fitting hip hugger jeans, and powder blue tank top, and her hair was pulled up in a tight pony-tail.

He must have been staring because it wasn’t long before her voice cut into his thoughts.

“Hello! Anyone alive in there?” she said, waving a hand in front of his face.

He shook his head, “yeah, I’m fine. Must have zoned out there for a minute,” he said.

“I’ll say. You act like you’ve never seen a pretty girl before,” she laughed slightly.

“I uh…”

“Relax. It was a joke,” she laughed slightly.

Lindsey sat for a moment, not saying anything. This seemed like a different girl from the one he had met earlier. She wasn’t acting like a bitch or a snob. She certainly didn’t look the same. She looked more like a normal girl than a “rich” girl.

“Are you feeling okay?” she asked, “you look a little…distracted.”

“Oh me? Yeah, I’m fine,” he smiled, “so what were you thinking for dinner?” he asked.

She walked over, sitting next to him on the bed, “you’re the one who lives here,” she laughed slightly.

“Well, we’ve got a little of everything. What do you eat?”

“Umm, anything?” she laughed slightly, “I know I don’t exactly look like a pig, but I’m really not picky.”

He nodded slightly, “I’m assuming fast food is out of the question?”

“I know I said I wasn’t picky, but that’s pushing it.”

“That’s what I thought,” he laughed slightly.

She laughed slightly, as he looked over at her. She had a great smile. He hadn’t really noticed it earlier that day. She was too busy being the cold-hearted bitch to smile at all.

“Can I ask you a question?” he asked.

“Um, sure,” she answered shakily. She wasn’t sure what to expect out of him. He wasn’t exactly the type of guy she usually spent her time with.

“What is it with you?”

“What?”

“You’re this completely different girl than you were earlier today. What happened?”

“I guess I just have layers,” she shrugged, “Haven’t you ever heard the expression don’t judge a book by its cover?”

“I have, but,” he paused for a moment, “I guess you just surprise me that’s all.”

“I try,” she smiled brightly.

“Cordelia…”he said her name, almost in a whisper, and moved his body closer to hers. His lips touched hers softly.

He put his arms around her waist, as she put hers around his neck. Their kiss grew deeper as she fell onto the bed, pulling him with her.

She moved her hands down to the bottom of his shirt, moving underneath. Lindsey’s hands moved down to her hip, and he slowly pushed her shirt up.

They broke their kiss, and Lindsey moved his lips to her collarbone and began to brush his lips down her body.

She slid her hands down to the tail of his shirt, and slowly pushed it above his head. He kissed her gently on the mouth once more before he began to move slowly down her body.

When he reached her waist line he slowly began unbuttoning her jeans. He moved back up her body, and gave her a long kiss on the mouth, while she slowly removed his jeans.

He placed two fingers in the waistline of her panties, and slowly pushed them down. She removed his boxers slowly, and then placed her hands back around his neck, burying her head in his neck.

She whimpered slightly as he gently entered her. She pressed her body closer to his as she moved her hips in perfect time with his movements.

His movements became more rapid with time.

“Lindsey…”Cordelia whispered his name softly as she reached her breaking point. He slowly pulled out of her, and rolled over on the bed.

Cordelia blinked and looked around, quickly realizing what had just happened.

“Lindsey I…” she said softly.

“I’m sorry. That was…”

“Really nice actually,” she smiled softly, “but I’m only here until tomorrow. I have to go back to California.”

“Oh,” he said, remembering the whole reason she was there in the first place, “well, I guess, I really am sorry then.”

“Don’t be. You didn’t force me or anything. I just sort of…forgot where I was. That’s not your fault,” she paused slightly, “Do you know how much I wish the circumstances where different right now?”

“Me too.”

“Maybe if I’m ever back here, or you’re in California. I mean, if we ever happen to be at the right place, the time again, maybe?” she asked sadly.

“You can count on it,” he smiled, “In fact, if everything that works out the way its planned, I’ll be in California. I have a job offer out there. Right after graduation.”

“You’ll have to look me up,” she smiled.

“Count on it,” he replied.

“Well, I guess you should go,” she paused, “not make this whole goodbye thing harder.”

“Yeah,” he stood, slipping on his shirt and jeans, “I really do wish things were different.”

“Me too.”

“Bye Cordelia,” he paused, kissing her gently on the lips, “for now.”

“Bye Lindsey.”

He walked out the door, and Cordelia fell back onto the bed.

“For now my ass,” she whispered, pulling a blanket up to her neck.

Oh yes. Sequel coming. You know it.

Now. Must sleep. I expect reviews in the morning.

In which there is fic

2004-02-04T05:43:35Z

Author: TopazAngel
Title: Encounter (my titles suck)
Fandom: Angel
Pairing: Cordelia/Lindsey
Rating: PG
Content: EH. Nothing.
Feedback: Please?
Distribution: My C/L site. If anyone else wants it, just let me know you are taking it.
Teaser: This is set PRE-Angel. Cordy and Lindsey meet at a party where she is trying to get some exposure.
Disclaimer: They are not mine. Trust me. If they were, things wouldn’t have turned out the way they have.
Dedication: Tonnie. For the idea for course.
Notes: This isn't as long as I expected. But don't worry. There is more coming. ;)

Cordelia Chase stood by the refreshment table. She had come to Los Angeles for one reason, and one reason only. She wanted to be a big star. So far, her plans weren’t working out.

It was hard to find an agent, and even harder to get an audition. One thing she had learned in the few months she had been there, was that it was always a good thing to have connections. Of course, those were something you had to come into. She hadn’t had much luck in that department.

So when one of these parties came up, she always jumped at the opportunity to show. Her agent had spent a lot of breath telling her that to get what you wanted, you had to make it happen. Of course, she was convinced now that he was only saying that in order to get her to give him the money she needed to get started.

These parties always ended up the same. She showed up trying to find someone to talk it up too, but for the most part she ended up standing alone either by the refreshments or in the corner. The only time anyone would come up to her, was when some wanna be actor tried to work some lame pick up line on her.

So far, tonight wasn’t much different.

Sometimes she would spot an important person, but most of the time they would ignore her and walk away. She would quit, but that was never in her character. Even though the acting wasn’t bring her much money at all. She hadn’t gotten a job yet, and the little bit of money she had left from the small account she had back in Sunnydale was almost gone. She couldn’t afford more than a couple more moths of rent, if that.

She was starting to wonder if it was worth it.

“I know, boring, isn’t it?” She heard a voice say behind her. Judging from his voice, he was probably in his mid twenties. She could tell he was smug, and that wasn’t exactly something she wanted to put up with right now.

“Oh great, just what I wanted tonight!” She said, not even making a move to turn around, “Look, I know you saw me, this beautiful girl, standing alone, and thought to yourself, ‘Wow. She looks like a good time!’ But,” she turned around to face him, “Don’t try the nice guy act. Or the cool guy act. I’ve heard it all, and I’m not in the mood.”

“Whoa whoa. Relax there,” he said, putting his arms up in defense, “I was just trying to make conversation.”

“That’s what they all say,” she said. There was a definite hint of annoyance in her voice.

“They all being who?”

“They being all the men that come to this party,” she paused, looking him up and down, “They come to these things hoping to meet some woman who can be their prey for the evening. They put on the charm, give the big eyes and bright smile, hoping some poor girl will fall into their trap. Well sorry. I’m not going to fall for it. So don’t give me the line about how you are an agent/manager/casting director/son of a director/whatever. I don’t buy it, alright?”

“Hey hey. Someone is defensive. Who screwed you over?”

“We aren’t talking anymore,” she said, turning to walk away.

“Interesting girl,” he whispered under his breath, before turning to walk the other direction.

So there you have it. Not that great, but my first fic in months, so I'm just happy to have written something.

topazangel @ 2003-11-27T00:22:00

2003-11-27T06:23:41Z

Author: TopazAngel
Title: Haunted
Ship/Character: Wesley/Lilah, Implied Wes/Fred
Rating: PG
Spoilers: None really. It takes place somewhere right after Lilah’s death in S4
Distribution: My site, anyone else ask and ye shall receive
Feedback: Please. Its my drug.
Disclaimer: I don’t own Wes or any other character that is mentioned in this story. Joss and Co own all.
Notes: This isn't the story I had in mind. I don't know where it came from.

I still see her face when I sleep. When it started I thought it was guilt. Guilt that I wasn’t there. Guilt that I had let him get to her. That once again I had messed up. Because that’s what I did. I messed up.

But that wasn’t it at all. It wasn’t guilt. No. Guilt wasn’t this strong. Guilt didn’t have this pull, this effect. The reason I could not let her go was more complex. It was something I wanted to leave buried inside for the longest time.

I still couldn’t admit it out loud to this day. The fear that the people who were finally beginning to trust me again, may turn their backs on me for a second time kept this secret from coming out. The fear that I would disappoint them. Again. That I would disappoint her.

I never stopped loving her. But somewhere a long the way, the love I had for the sweet and innocent physicist had changed. I discovered that it was better left unsaid, like things often are. Too much time had past for anything to ever come of it.

And somewhere along the line the late nights with Lilah became more. I saw sides of her that none of the people I associated with would believe existed. She was more than just the evil, conniving, manipulating woman they all thought she was. She had a softer side. She, like all other people on this world, wanted affection. She wanted to be seen for what she was. A person with feelings just like any other person.

I didn’t even want to believe it myself at first. But there was one moment in particular that I knew. That I finally admitted to myself that we were more than just sexual partners.

It was after the rain of fire. Up until that point I was completely convinced that Lilah was completely unfeeling, but when she showed up at my door, concerned for me, I knew. There was more to us than I wanted to believe.

But still I couldn’t admit it. Especially not to her. Not that she was any better. She came closer than me though. That day in the tunnel, the day I told her to leave LA. I had convinced myself that it was in my head, but I know how close she came to admitting her feelings that day. There’s something about the end of the world that makes you want to reveal things you never thought you would. But she didn’t. And that was it. I was sure that was the end of it.

And then she came back. But it didn’t last long. I wasn’t there to save her. Another thing I will always regret. I fell for Angelus’ lie, and the cost was too high. I regret it everyday. I wish I could change things. But I can’t.

And now I live with the guilt everyday and every night in my dreams. Her face is still the first thing I see when I wake up and the last thing I see when I fall asleep at night, and I don’t think that will ever change.

I’m haunted by her. Not literally, but emotionally, everyday. And I don’t think I would have it any other way.

Untitled C/G 2/?

2003-11-16T05:41:31Z

We got a little Evil Will/Xand in this one!

Author: TopazAngel
Title: Untitled at the moment
Rating: PG-13 is what I'm saying now, but Rachie keeps whispering C/G porn in my ear so...
Teaser: Set as if the Wishverse were the *real* verse. That’s really all you need at the moment.
Spoilers: None.
Feedback: Please
Distribution: My site, anyone else who may want it, just let me know.
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Notes: No shippiness yet. Maybe some hints.

Cordelia stepped into the senior home room class the next morning prepared for the ridicule she knew she was going to receive. She would never understand why the people she called friends cared so much more about social status than being alive, especially in a place where there weren’t enough people for social status to matter.

She often wondered why she was even friends with them. The bigger part of her always knew they weren’t worth the credit she had always given them. She had always assumed that eventually, like her, they would grow out of their selfish, uncaring personas. But they didn’t.

And when they didn’t, she had to just go on, pretending not to care either. So when the vampires rose, and everyone it town started dying off or being turning, Cordelia just sat back and watched with the rest of the “in-crowd,” never telling them that she thought they should help out. She knew there was no way they would take her seriously. They would just laugh and shrug her off, saying that she needed to get a priority check.

“Well, well, if it isn’t Mrs. Librarian,” Harmony taunted as Cordelia took the open seat next to her.

“Funny Harmony,” Cordelia retorted dryly, not really wanting to waste breath on a comeback.

“All I’m saying is I don’t know why in the world you would risk your social life like that,” she stated.

“I told you Harmony, it was better than the alternative, which was death. Now can we please, please drop it?”

“Geez, sorry, I was just teasing,” she shot a sideways glance to the girl on the other side of her, whispering, “Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.”

“I heard that,” Cordelia rolled her eyes, focusing on the teacher.

Through out the class she heard laughter and whispering from her so-called friends. It didn’t seem worth it to her to be friends with these people just because her parents and their parents were in the same social class.

She was ready to give up, but this wasn’t the first time she had that thought, and more than likely it wouldn’t be the last time. Because in the end, she needed them. Not because they were there for her, or because they helped her through tough times. But because for some reason, she felt like she wasn’t important when they weren’t around. She felt lonely. And she hated that feeling more than she hated anything.

“Hey Cordy! Wake up!” Harmony snapped her fingers, waving her hand in front of the other girl’s face, “What the hell is wrong with you Cordy?”

Cordelia shook her head, “What? Sorry, I was just…”

“Daydreaming about the librarian?” Harmony said, laughing as she walked out of the classroom, the small group of Cordettes that were left in tow.

Cordelia rolled her eyes as she gathered up her things. She didn’t want to deal with this right now. She didn’t want to deal with it at all. She was ready to give up her so called “social status.”

With the state that Sunnydale was in, it just didn’t seem as important as it used to. In fact, it didn’t seem important at all. None of it. The friends. The popularity. The clothes. It meant nothing when the simple fact was that so many people were already dead, and things weren’t getting any better.

*****

Cordelia walked through the heavy swinging doors that opened to library. Larry, Oz, and Nancy all looked at her in shock. Of course, it wasn’t the first time they had seen her in there. She had come in to ask for a favor just yesterday. But they had never seen her come into the library on a perfectly clear day. Not when she didn’t need something. And she had certainly never looked like this.

Her confidence seemed lacking. She didn’t seem as perky, or annoying. She looked worried. Sad. Almost scared. In all the years they had been in school together, none of the other students had seen her like this. If she ever showed this side, it wasn’t publicly.

“Umm, hi,” she said meekly.

“Cordelia. What do you want?” Larry asked, not quite as sarcastic as he had been yesterday, but defiantly shocked.
“I, umm, well actually, I was kind of wondering if you…Needed any help?”

“What?” Nancy let out a laugh, “You, want to help us? Fight vampires? You realize its highly likely that you might like break a nail or something,” she said with a deeply mocking tone.

“Hey, don’t be harsh,” Oz said flatly.

“I think I’ll just…” Cordelia turned on her heel, and began to walk out of the library.

She walked out of the swinging doors, looking down at the ground. She didn’t get far before she bumped into someone.

“Hey! Watch it!” She said, looking up.

“Oh dear, I’m sorry. I wasn’t paying attention. Are you alright?”

“Mr. Giles! Oh God, I’m sorry,” she said apologetically.

“Its quite alright Miss Chase,” he paused, “Were you coming out of the library?”

“Um, yeah,” she shook her head, with a slight laugh, “Umm, temporary insanity.”

“Are you sure you’re alright?”

“Of course,” she laughed slightly and unsurely.

He nodded slowly, not sure how to read her. He wasn’t exactly familiar with reading teenage girls, but he was fairly certain she wasn’t being entirely truthful.

“As long as you’re sure,” he said, watching her carefully.

“Actually…Do you have a minute?” She asked, biting her bottom lip. She wasn’t sure why, but she felt like she could talk to him.

“Of course,” he nodded, smiling at her softly.

“Thanks,” she smiled back warmly. Cordelia was starting to feel an odd comfort around the older man.

They walked through the library and into his office. The other three students looked at each other, obviously confused by this.

“There is something wrong with this picture,” Nancy said, raising an eyebrow.

“Definitely,” Larry nodded.

*****

Willow liked the world like this. It was different than before.

Before she was ignored. Before she couldn’t even get her best friend to notice her. Not anymore.

Now she was feared. Not just by the people of Sunnydale, but by the other demons as well. The master himself said she was one of the most evil, ruthless creatures he had come in contact with.

Everything was dark. And fun. She had often wondered why the people of the town didn’t just give up their lives to be in her position.

She could be free. She could do whatever she wanted without having to worry about that pesky conscience.

“I’m hungry,” she pouted, “Can’t we go find something nice and fresh to eat?”

“Its still sunny outside. You wouldn’t want to fried, would you?” Xander snapped.

“No, but my stomach’s all grumbly.”

“Well, I can’t do anything about that, now can I?”

They turned their heads as they heard a clapping noise.

“Now now children. Play nice. I mean, to each other of course. We have more important things to worry about at the moment. The plans are all in order for the ritual. I need you two to do something for me.”

“And what’s that,” Xander asked him.

“Does it involve maiming?” Willow asked, with an evil grin.

“When doesn’t it?” The master smirked.

End Chapter 2

fic!!!

2003-09-02T03:17:20Z

Title: Untitled (for now...If you have any suggestions I'll owe you)
Author: TopazAngel
Rating: PG
Content: Eh. Nothing bad
Fandom: Dawson’s Creek
Pairing: Joey/Drue (mostly friendship), Pacey/Joey implied
Distribution: Losing Grip, any one else who happens to want it, just let me know where its going.
Feedback: Praise is nice. Costructive Critisizm is good also. Flamers SUCK.
Timeline: Directly after Promicide
Teaser: The aftermath of Promicide
Disclaimer: I don’t own em.

Joey sat at the counter of the yacht club, waiting for her shift to start. This was the last place she wanted to be right now. More than anything she wanted to be at home, still under her blankets, and feeling sorry for herself because she had just been dumped.

But no. She had to spend the day waiting tables at the yacht club, and serving food to people who didn’t know the meaning of the word tip. And of course, being at the club meant a day of fun with-

“Harry Potter! I thought you’d have called in sick with heartbreak by now,” Drue Valentine.

“Great, just what I need right now,” she mumbled sarcastically under her breath.

“What was that Potter?” he asked.

“Drue, I’m really not in the mood right now.”

“Awww. Did poor Josephine Potter get her heart broken?”

“Bite me Drue.”

He put his hands to his heart in mock-defense, “Oh Potter, you wound me.”

“Can it Drue. I’m really not in the mood for you today. I just want to get this shift over so that I can go home and forget that last night ever happened.”

“This isn’t working for you Potter.”

“What isn’t working for me?” she asked, clearly confused.

“This whole ‘my boyfriend dumped me so I am going to feel sorry for myself and you should to’. Its not you.”

“You don’t know what’s me Drue.”

“You’re right Potter. I know virtually nothing about you. But I know that you’ve never been one to want pity.”

“And I don’t want pity. If I wanted pity I wouldn’t ask you to leave me alone.”

“You didn’t.”

“You’re right, I didn’t-ASK. I told. Now please. Leave me alone,” she said forcefully. She was telling the truth. She wasn’t in the mood for him right now. She was upset enough without having someone rub it in that she had been dumped on prom night of all nights.

“Joey Joey Joey. Are you going to be that rude to our customers? Because if so, I think maybe you should just turn around and leave now,” he said mockingly.

“Go. Away,” she said forcefully.

“Fine. Fine. I’ll leave you to your moping,” he said, walking away.

“Thank you,” Joey said, looking up at the ceiling.

=====

“That’s her,” a girl whispered to her friend.

Joey’s ear perked. She knew what they meant. Of course, it was her table. Anytime some snooty teenage girl with her father’s credit card came into the club gossiping it was about her.

“Can I get you anything to drink?” she said putting on a fake smile.

“Water please,” the girl said with an equally fake smile.

“I’ll be right back,” she said spinning on her heels.

“She actually started crying. He went totally psychotic on her. Everyone saw,” she continued to whisper.

Joey didn’t know how long she was going to be able to listen to this without screaming.

“Are they bothering you?” Drue asked, peaking from behind a corner.

Joey jumped.

“God Drue! Are you trying to give me a heart attack?” she asked, glaring at him.

“Sorry, I just heard those girls…Do you want me to take care of them?”

“No. I can handle it. I’m a big girl,” she paused, “Why the hell do you care anyway?”

“What do you mean why do I care?” he asked.

“Drue, on the off chance that you did actually care, I think it would be grounds for a national holiday,” she said bitingly.

“Oh Potter, you hurt me,” he teased, “Seriously. I can take care of them,” he added.

“Like I said, I can handle myself,” she said walking into the kitchen to get the girls’ water.

She quickly came out and walked back to the table, “Can I get you anything to eat with that?” she asked, pulling a pad of paper from her vest pocket.

“No thank you,” the girl said.

“Okay. Just let me know if you need anything else,” she turned to walk to another table.

“Oh by the way, sorry to hear about you and Pacey Witter. Guess he likes his woman a little more psychotic,” the girl said, laughing.

Joey started to turn around to say something, but thought better of it. The last thing she needed was to have to deal with Ms. Valentine.

“Or maybe he wanted to find himself an older woman, like a teacher or something,” the other girl said, loudly.

Joey paused and started to turn back around.

“Excuse me?” She asked.

“Awww, did we strike a nerve?” One of the girls asked.

“I’ll strike some-” she began.

“Excuse me, does one of you drive a red mustang convertible?” Drue stepped in, asking.

“That’s my car!” One of the girls said.

“Yeah, well, its in a no parking zone. You’d better move it before it gets towed.”

“Oh damn. Sorry Joey, its been nice, but I have to go,” the girl said with a fake smile. She grabbed her friends hand and walked out.

“Are you okay?” he asked walking over to her.

“I could have handled them,” she said coldly.

“Yeah, you could have. And they would have complained, and before you know it you would have handled yourself right out of a job.”

“Fine. Okay. But they deserve whatever I was going to say to them.”

“No one is arguing that. But you don’t need to get into trouble with my mom for people like that,” he explained.

“Fine,” she paused, “What exactly are you doing?”

“Coming to your rescue?” he asked jokingly.

“Whatever,” she rolled her eyes, “What’s with the new ‘I care about people’ attitude? Are you plotting something?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Since when do I need a reason to be nice?” he paused, smiling, “okay, I can’t even say that without laughing.”

She smiles slightly.

“Aha. There we go. I think my work here is done,” he said, grinning?

“What?” Joey was confused again.

“You’re smiling,” he said nonchalantly.

“Yeah,” she paused, “You expect me to believe the whole reason for this drastic personality change was to see me smile?”

“It’s the truth.”

“Yeah. Right.”

“Look, I may not be the nicest guy, but I know what its like to be dumped. Especially when you really like the person.”

“You know what its like to really like someone?” she asked sarcastically.

Drue looked down sadly.

“Drue I’m sorry. I didn’t mean anything by it…I’m just,” she walked over to sit at the bar, “I just can’t believe he did that.”

“I know. Believe me, if I thought any couple at Capeside was going to end up lasting past graduation it was you two,” he paused, “I mean, why else would you have seen past my charms?” he grinned.

“If it makes you feel better,” she smiled.

“So, what are you going to do now that you a single girl?” he asked.

She shrugged, “I guess be single. I mean, in the past few years I’ve kind of gone from Dawson to Jack to Dawson to Pacey to Dawson to Pacey…Maybe this is just a hint that I need to stop with the boyfriends for a while.”

He nodded, “That doesn’t sound like a bad idea Potter. Besides you’re moving to Boston in the fall right? Starting fresh?”
“That actually doesn’t sound like a bad idea.”

“Well, I’ll be in Boston so…”

“Drue, if you’re trying to come on to me…”

“Yeah. Like I would,” he said teasingly, “Sorry Potter. You’re not my type.”

“Sorry Drue, but the fact that nothing is ever going to happen between us is all because of me. You know if I was willing you’d-”

“Whoa Potter. You’re a little cocky there,” he teased.

“Thanks Drue,” she nodded, giving him a sincere smile.

“For what?” For taking my mind off of Pacey for just a second.”

“Its no problem Joey.”

She glanced up as a group of adults walked through the door, “Well, I’d better,” she nodded toward the group waiting to be seated.

“Yeah, see ya Potter,” he smiled as she walked away.

Joey/Jack ficcage + plus pimping and GIPage

2003-08-03T04:13:37Z

Author: TopazAngel
Title: Waiting
Rating: eh. G
Content: Nothin
Fandom: Dawson’s Creek
Pairing: Joey/Jack
Timeline: Season 2. Sometime after ‘The Dance’ but before ‘The Reluctant Hero’.
Teaser: A night at the Ice House…
Disclaimer: Not mine.
AN: Very short.
Dedication: Tonya, who along with me, wants straight!Jack back. And also cause she sat for 20 minutes helping me come up with a title...

Joey slowly quickly wiped the counter before Jack finished with the dishes he had been doing in the kitchen. She had successfully avoided any contact with him for the past three days, but the fact that she had to see him at work didn’t help. She wanted to finish up, and then she could make up a lame excuse about having a test to study for and get out before he could call her on her avoidance.

She breathed in deeply as the last customer got up to leave.

“I’m outta here Jack. I have a potential pop quiz in the morning, and I need to study,” she called into the kitchen, trying to get out before he had a chance to call back.

Too late.

“Joey wait. I was,” he paused walking out of the kitchen, “I was hoping we could talk.”

“Can’t it wait Jack? I mean I have to stu-” he cut her off.

“You said that,” he said, looking at her with soft eyes, “but I’m afraid if we wait we’ll never talk.”

Joey just nodded slowly, walking back towards him.

“Okay then. Lets talk. Anything in mind?”

Somehow she hoped he was going to go the small talk route, but she knew that wasn’t going to happen. There was too much they needed to get out.

“I think you know what I have in mind,” he said, walking closer to the counter, where Joey was now seated in a stool.

“Look Jack, I know that you think something is happening with us. And I don’t know…You may be right, but right now…”

“What?” he asked softly. He was trying really hard to understand why she was avoiding him, and why she was so against anything happening between them. But he couldn’t. There was something between them. Something stronger than friendship. And he didn’t know how she could deny that.

“I just broke up with Dawson. And I know as an outsider, you don’t know what that means, but it’s a big thing. My whole life its been Dawson and Joey. Its been a constant roller coaster of do they really love each other? When will they admit it? Who says it first? And now its like, a whole part of my life is over…” she paused, looking down, “Its just a little bit overwhelming. So please forgive me if I don’t come running into your arms as soon as I’m free.”

“I’m sorry Joey,” he said, looking down, “I guess I just didn’t think you and Dawson breaking up meant that you avoided me at all costs. And forgive me if I just can’t forget that I like you…A lot. But I can’t. So you can avoid me, and you can turn me down,” he paused, “but I’m not going anywhere. Because I know that I haven’t known you long, and I know that I don’t know anything about your past, but I know that you Joey Potter, are the most amazing person I have ever met. Don’t expect me to stop thinking that because you aren’t ready to move on.”

“Jack…” she said softly. But nothing would come out. Joey Potter was speechless.

“Look, I know you are probably going to tell me its best if I don’t work here, and maybe I should look for another job, but I just,” he paused and looked down at his feet, “I like you Joey. A lot. And nothing is going to change that. Not all the avoidance in the world.”

“I know,” she said, almost in a whisper, “But you just have to understand where I am coming from Jack. There is a lot more to it than whether you like me or I like you. I just…Ever since that night, the night of the full moon, I haven’t been able to think straight. I don’t know what or who I want anymore. So, you have to understand. I need time.”

Jack nodded slowly.

“Then time you have Joey. I’m not going to pressure you. You know that. But like I said, I am not going anywhere.”

“I know,” she nodded, as he began to walk back into the kitchen to finish the dishes that had piled up through the night “Jack?”

“Yeah Joey?” he said, turning to look at her.

“What makes you think I’m even worth it?”

“I just know,” he smiled.

She nodded once more, “Can you lock up?”

“Yeah Joey, of course,” he nodded, “Bye Jo.”

“Night Jack,” she said walking out of the Icehouse.

Pimpage
Join kerrsmithfans if you love the Kerrness.

GIPage
O-T-fucking-P Bitch. I know Jack's gay. I don't care.

ETA: More pimpage. A Certain Charm.
Joey/Jack site. Please visit and lemme know what you think.

Moving On-DC/BtVS X-over fic DONE!!!!!!

2003-07-22T05:50:12Z

Author: TopazAngel
Title: Moving On (First story in a multi part as yet unnamed series)
Rating: PG
Content: Nothing incredibaly bad. Im not promising it'll be that way for the entire series though
Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Dawson’s Creek
Pairing: Buffy Summers and Dawson Leery
Word count:4825 words
Feedback: Please, I beg you. Feedback is life.
Distribution: Losing Grip. Anyone else wants it (though I don’t see why the hell you would) just lemme know where it is going.
Timeline: Post season 3 BtVS/Season 4 DC
Teaser: Dawson Leery. Buffy Summers. Same college. Meet up. Fall for eachother.
Disclaimer: I don’t own Buffy. I don’t own Dawson. Please don’t sue me. I am a poor college student. You won’t get anything but legal bills.
Dedication: Tonya. She who is my daily Dawson’s Creek buddy. *wails* Less than a month Tonnie. What are we gonna do??? And also Rain for putting up with my bitching and whining while I was writing this damn thing. Oh and both of them for helping out as far as the beta thing goes. I couldn't have done it without either of you.

Dawson looked around campus. He had been there all summer for his Summer Program, but it looked different now. The school grounds were filled with students, and it seemed to be in mass confusion for the time being.

He had picked up his schedule earlier in the day. He figured that would be the best time to do it, before all the slackers (which seemed to be the majority of the students) decided it was time to roll out of bed and start forming mass groups in front of all the buildings.

He walked around campus just talking everything in. This was officially his first day as a college student. This was going to be great.

*****

On the other end of campus, Buffy was still trying to find the line she needed to be in to get her schedule. A number of upper classmen had given her “directions” that she was fairly certain had been wrong on purpose.

She wasn’t having much luck. She thought college was going to be fun. Finally away from her parents. Finally away from Sunnydale, and hopefully everything that came with it. But so far, she didn’t like college as much as she thought she would.

If the first day was this bad, Buffy was starting to think she didn’t want to know what the next four years were going to be like. This was not going to be fun.

*****

The classroom was just like Dawson had expected. Large and completely full. There were only a few seats in the back that were still empty, and he took the closest one to the door. He would have liked to have gotten there early enough to sit closer to the front, but it had taken him longer than expected to find the classroom.

By the time Buffy got into the room, there was one empty seat left. Next to Dawson. She made her way there, taking in the size of the room. She had been told college classes were larger than high school classes, but she didn’t expect anything of this size. She was even more surprised to see that it was completely full. She suddenly regretted waiting so long to get everything done.

“Is anyone..” She gestured to the empty seat.

“Oh, no. Go ahead,” Dawson said smiling.

“I’m Buffy,” she said, smiling. ‘Yeah, like he really cares what your name is,’ she thought to herself.

“Dawson,” he said, extending his hand.

“Okay. Lets get started,” the professor said, walking to the front of the classroom.

*****

The lecture seemed to last an eternity to both Buffy and Dawson. Neither of them were used to going right into the material. The first day of school had always been the same in the past. You sit in on your teachers, who all just repeat the rules. You hear the same speech 7 times, and then you go home.

“So, not exactly what I expected,” Buffy said, trying to make conversation.

“Yeah, I know what you mean, I think there were a few times in there were I actually dozed off,” he said with a small laugh.

“Guess that’s what we have to look forward to for the next semester, huh?” she said grinning.

“Yeah, but hey, at least we can sit next to each other…Keep a look out to make sure the other doesn’t start snoring and disturb the class or anything,” he teased.

“Yeah, good point. So what class are you off to next?” she asked, attempting to start a conversation. This Dawson guy actually seemed nice. And from what she could tell, there were no demonic qualities. So that was an automatic plus.

“Actually, I am on my way to a film class, that’s what I am here for,” he smiled, gesturing toward the arts wing of the campus.

“Film student? In LA? Really? I’m shocked.” she teased.

“Yeah,” he let out a small laugh, “I should,” he gestured in the direction he was headed.

“Yeah, so, um, hey, if you have some free time later or something, I hear there’s a nice coffee shop on campus…” she trailed off.

“Actually,” he paused, “that sounds great. I don’t have any classes after 3, so-”

“I’ll see you then,” she smiled.

“I’ll see ya then,” he said walking in the opposite direction.

*****

Dawson walked to the campus coffee shop. He looked around for the girl he had met earlier.

When he had first seen her his first thought was typical California girl, and the name Buffy didn’t help. But there was something about her that made him agree to show up today, even look forward to it.

She was a little bit late, he assumed she had gotten lost. She didn’t seem like the type who would go out of her way to find out where something was on campus ahead of time.

“Hey Dawson,” she said, cheerfully, sitting down next to him at the table.

“Hi.”

“I hope you haven’t been here long,” she said “I kinda got lost looking for the place,” Dawson grinned, keeping to himself that he had assumed that fact.

“Its okay. I haven’t been here long.”

“Good,” she said with relief. I’m sorta overwhelmed by the whole college experience. Its kind of nice to meet at least one person who doesn’t ignore me, or scream at me,” she laughed.

“Its not that bad,” he said, pausing, “of course, I’ve already had a couple of months to somewhat get used to it.”

“You were here over the summer? Boy, I’m glad I’m not studying film,” she said, sarcastically.

Dawson laughed softly.

“Well, its worth for something I’ve wanted to do since I was ten years old.”

“So, you’ve always wanted to do movies? I wish I was that organized with my life.”

“What are you studying?”

“Now? Nothing,” she paused, “Up until about 6 months ago, I pretty much didn’t think I had a chance in hell of getting to college,” she shrugged, frowning. “I guess I just never really thought about what I would do when I got here,” she said softy.

“Oh, well, I guess I’m the exception. I’ve heard a majority of college students don’t know until at least two years in,” he said, trying to rectify the situation he was sure he messed up.

“Yeah, that’s what I’m told. Hopefully Slacker Buffy doesn’t take over, because that could be really bad,” she joked.

Dawson laughed. Buffy was turning out to be a lot more likeable than he had expected. And he hadn’t expected much. But he was starting to doubt his first impressions.

The girl had something about her. A mystery. He could tell there was more than met the eye with this one. And there was something there that made him want to know every single thing that she was hiding. Everything he could tell she wasn’t saying.

Buffy looked at her watch. It was going to be dark soon.

She was away from Sunnydale. But that didn’t mean she wasn’t still the slayer. And she still had to make her nightly rounds. It was pretty much a given that the forces of darkness would follow here wherever she was.

“Look at the time,” she said, reaching for her book bag, “I should…get going,” she paused, searching for an explanation, “I have a psych class tomorrow, and one of the requirements is that we have the first three chapters read on the first day. I haven’t even opened the book,” she said with a small laugh.

“Yeah, I should go too, before my roommate turns my room into tonight’s party zone. Where are you?”

“I’m in Miller Hall,” she said, starting to walk out.

“Oh that’s pretty close to me. I’m in Jarret,” he said, walking next her.

“Great,” she said smiling brightly. “Walk me?”

“Sure,” he nodded.

*****

Buffy and Dawson parted ways when they arrived at her dorm. It was almost seven and she still needed to make her rounds. Oh, and she hadn’t been lying about that psych assignment. She opened her door and walked into an empty room.

She started to go to her closet to change into a pair of sweats. No one actually realized how hard it was to slay vampires in a cute mini-skirt and heels.

Unfortunately just before she got there, her roommate stormed in.

Buffy had known right away they weren’t going to get along very well.

Lauren was basically your typical college freshman. She liked loud music, parties, and boys. And since Buffy had gotten in to her room Saturday afternoon, she had been trying to drag her to a party. She said “it was the college scene.”

Buffy declined. She had more important things to worry about than drunken, drooling frat boys.

“So, Buffy! Did you think about that party?” Lauren asked. She was perky. Buffy noticed that first thing. She was always smiling, and she always spoke loudly. Her hair was bleached blonde, and not the right color for her pale complexion.

“Yeah, and I’m sorry, but I can’t,” she insisted.

“Oh come on Buffy! Honestly! What could be more important than a party at frat house full of hot guys?”

“A frat house? How about a root canal?” Buffy asked sarcastically.

Lauren rolled her eyes, “Fine. Have that attitude, but don’t come crying to me when you get bored sitting around in this stuffy room all night,” she said, grabbing her purse, and walking back out of the room.

Buffy quickly changed her clothes, before picking up to call Willow. She was curious as to how her best friend did on her first day at UC Sunnydale.

The phone only rang once before Willow picked up.

“Buffy!”

“Willow, how did you know it was me?” she asked, more than a little confused.

“I guessed, using the logic that no one else would be calling me! How was your first day?”

“Actually, not as bad as I thought it would be. Well, except for the four or five times I got lost looking for my classes.”

“That’s great!” she said, “Hey, can you call back tomorrow? I sort of have to go to this party Oz is playing at,” Willow asked, quickly.

“Umm…Sure.” Buffy said, a little disappointed. She had been looking forward to this phone call all day, “Actually, I was about to go patrolling-” She was cut off.

“That’s great! I’ll talk to you later Buffy!” Willow hung up without giving Buffy a chance to say goodbye.

“Great,” Buffy said to herself, putting the phone down sadly.

*****

Dawson let Joey’s phone ring at least 15 times before he realized she wasn’t going to answer. He closed his phone and sat it down on his desk, leaving it on in case she called him. They hadn’t gone a night without speaking since he had left. It was something they just did on instinct.

It wasn’t something they had to do, but something they merely got used to. They would just talk about everything. Mostly what had happened that day. And the day that something actually happened, he couldn’t get a hold of her.

Which was probably a good thing considering what he wanted to talk about, was a girl.

They had agreed that what happened the night before he left had meant nothing, but it would still be strange to talk to Joey about another girl. Not after everything they had been through.

Not that there were any romantic feelings there anymore. They had come to the conclusion that the kiss hadn’t meant more than an end. Not an end to them as friends, but an end to any sort of relationship they may have ever gotten back into. They agreed they couldn’t go there. Not again. Not after all the pain it had caused the majority of Capeside in the past three years.

He still felt a little relief that he wouldn’t have to talk to Joey about Buffy. Besides he wasn’t sure there was really anything to tell. One coffee isn’t exactly cause to say they are in a relationship. Especially when they only sat down for ten minutes.

Dawson’s phone began to ring. He quickly walked over to answer.

“Hello?”

“Dawson! How was your first official day?” The female voice asked from the other end. He would recognize it anywhere.

“Hey Jo! It was okay. The classes were pretty much what I expected,” he said, deliberately skimming over the subject of Buffy.

“That’s great! I really don’t have long, but I just wanted to call. Ya know, see how the day went.”

“It was good Jo.”

“Well, Audrey is begging me to go to some party with her. I don’t really want to go, but trying to be sociable. You know how it is.”

“Yeah, of course. You should go out with her. You do have to live with her,” he said.

“Talk to you tomorrow Dawson!”

“Bye Jo,” she said hanging up the phone.

What Joey thought shouldn’t bother him anymore. But for some reason he was happy they hadn’t talked long. He didn’t feel like having a long drawn out discussion about something that was in all actuality nothing.

But that’s how it always was when it came to Joey. When something wasn’t a big deal, it got blown out of proportion. They would make it a big deal. And Dawson didn’t feel like doing that right now.

Right now he just didn’t want to talk about it.

*****

“Buffy, just because you aren’t in Sunnydale, doesn’t mean you can ignore your duties,” Buffy said in her best mock-British accent.

She had been walking around campus for thirty minutes, and hadn’t seen so much as a stray dog.

“Well I’m not ignoring Giles. Hope you’re happy,” she mumbled under her breath.

She was walking slowly down the path that went around the school, which actually wasn’t as big as it seemed during the day when it was full of people.

She could hear loud music as she neared the fraternity and sorority houses that sat at the end of the path. Apparently, the first day of classes was a big party day. Because she heard different music from each of the five fraternities that seemed to be the largest on campus.

She decided to turn back and go read those chapters. She obviously wasn’t going to come across any vampires tonight.

*****

Dawson was suddenly feeling the need to get out of his room. The entire dorm seemed eerily quiet, which was a bit unsettling to him for some reason tonight. Usually he welcomed the silence. But right now he needed air.

He walked out and sat on the steps. He could hear loud music coming all the way from the other end of campus. He knew that was where his roommate was, and where he probably should be.

‘It would be better than sitting here on the steps alone,’ he thought to himself.

*****

Buffy was walking slowly. There was no need to hurry. She knew she wasn’t getting back in time to finish her assignment anyway. She started to walk pass the steps of Dawson’s dorm.

“Buffy?” Dawson asked, a little surprised to see her after she had been in such a rush to get to her room this afternoon.

“Dawson. Hi. You didn’t go to a party?” She asked. She had assumed she was the only person on campus who wasn’t taking advantage of the fraternities tonight.

“Nah. I didn’t really feel like it,” he answered, “You?”

“No,” she laughed, “My roommate tried to get to go, but I’m just not really a frat party type of person.”

“Really? I figured you’d be the kind to jump at the chance.”

“Well, I had those chapters to read, and besides, drunken 18 year old boys drooling over me, not my idea of a good time,” she said, sitting next to him, “So, why are you sitting on the steps alone? Shouldn’t you be up in your room?”

He shrugged, “Probably, but it was too quiet. And I just needed to get out for a while.”

“I know that feeling. I was just out for a walk,” she lied. ‘Well, its not a total lie,’ she thought to herself, “Actually, I should probably be getting back to my room…At least get some of that book read,” she smiled, standing.

“Yeah, I think I’ll go upstairs. Get to sleep early. Today was a-”

“Long day?” Buffy asked.

“Yeah,” he laughed, “Bye Buffy.”

“Night Dawson,” She nodded with a smile, turning towards her dorm.
“Wait Buffy,” he said, before walking inside.

“Yeah?”

“Do you like movies?” he asked.

“Sure, who doesn’t?”

“Well, I know this theater that’s nearby, it shows older movies on the weekends if you want to…this weekend?” he asked.

“That sounds great. I’ll see you in class.”

“Yeah, see you in class.”

*****

“He’s nice. And he seems…Normal. No creature feature. No mysterious past. You know, all the good stuff that usually attracts me to a guy,” Buffy told her best friend.

It was Wednesday, and Buffy was finally having a conversation with Willow for the first time since she had gotten to LA.

“That’s great Buffy. He sounds like a nice guy.”

“He really is Will. I totally think you two would get along,” she paused, “but I don’t know.”

“Don’t know what? It seems like you really like this guy. There shouldn’t be a but,” Willow said sternly.

“The whole secret identity thing. Its not the best way to start a relationship. And I really don’t want to get him involved in the whole creature of the night fighter routine if I don’t have to.”

“Well then don’t tell him. Its not like you two are dating dating. Its just a date. One date. You can worry about telling him your secret if you even go out again.”

“I guess you’re right Will. Its just…This isn’t the best way to start out. Lying? I’ve seen where that gets you. Its never pretty.”

“Well, its not like you can just go up to him and say ‘Dawson, I kill vampires’. Then he’ll just get freaked out and run away before you even go on your first date,” she explained.

“Good point. I am really glad I called you Will.”

“Me too. It seems like we haven’t gotten to actually talk like best friends forever,” Willow said sadly, “I guess that goes with going to different schools.”

“I guess so, speaking of school…I should probably get going,” Buffy said. Second day of Psych class and there was going to be a test. She really didn’t like this college thing.

“Bye Buffy.”

“Bye Will. And thanks.”

“It was no problem.”

*****

“Yeah Jo, its actually going great,” Dawson said, “What about you?”

“Its okay. My roommates a little on the annoying side, but she probably feels the same way about me. And I guess it could be worse. But the classes are good. For the most part,” Joey told Dawson.

“Same here. My roommate is probably going to be gone soon, so I guess I don’t really have that to deal with. There is something to be said for fraternity houses,” he laughed.

“I guess so,” she said laughing, “So have you done any going out at all? Because I would hate to think of you sitting alone every night out there in LA,” she said, her voice full of concern.

“Actually Jo, that’s sort of what I wanted to talk to you about,” he paused, “I have a date.”

“Really Dawson? That’s great!”

“Yeah, I met her in one of my classes. We started talking, and just sort of…hit it off.”

“I’m happy for you Dawson! Really!” she said, softly.

“I’m glad Joey, because,” he paused, “What you think…Really means a lot to me,” he said, sounding relieved.

“I know Dawson. Look, I have to do some studying, I’ll talk to you tomorrow?”

“Sure Jo, bye.”

“Bye Dawson.”

*****

“So tell me about this guy!” Lauren was sitting on the bed as Buffy got ready for her date with Dawson.

“He’s a nice guy,” Buffy said, “You wouldn’t like him,” she said sarcastically.

“What? I like nice guys!” Lauren said, defending herself.

“Sure. If they look good in a pair of tight jeans and a beater,” Buffy said, laughing. She had only known her roommate for a week, but she could already tell the girl didn’t have the best taste in men.

“Okay. Good point. So does he?”

Buffy rolled her eyes.

“He’s cute. He’s got a boy next door charm,” she said smiling.

“He’s a dog.”

“He is not a dog,” Buffy said, “he isn’t like the next Gavin Rossdale. But he’s cute.”

“Yeah. Cute is like…What you say about your little brother’s best friend Buffy. Cute is not date material,” Lauren explained.

“Well, I like him,” Buffy grew more annoyed with her roommate the more she talked to her. She honestly didn’t know how long she could take living with this person.

“Fine. Have it how you want it. I have to meet a guy for coffee,” she said stepping off the bed, “Don’t wait up,” she added, before walking out of the room.

“Wasn’t planning on it,” Buffy said to herself rolling her eyes.

*****

Dawson knocked on Buffy’s door nervously. He didn’t know why he was nervous, but her was. It really made no sense given the fact that they had talked basically everyday since they had met.

But this was a date. The first date. And something always went wrong on first dates. And that made Dawson grow more nervous by the second.

Buffy opened the door quickly.
“Hey Dawson!” she said, with a bright smile.

“Hi, you look…Great,” Dawson said, glancing at her. She was wearing a short black dress that hugged her body in all the right places.

“So do you,” she smiled again. He was really starting to love that smile.

“So, what’s the plan for tonight?” she asked.

“Dinner. And then that theater I know of is showing Breakfast at Tiffany’s. I wasn’t sure if you were into that kind of thing, but we could go to that,” he said, sounding a little unsure of himself.

“I love Audrey Hepburn! That’s actually one of my favorite movies.”

“Great. So dinner first, and then the movie.”

“Sounds great!”

*****

The two had gone to a small diner. Nothing fancy. They decided it would be much more comfortable going somewhere they didn’t have to speak in a whisper. Somewhere they could really talk, and possibly have fun.

“Well, I grew up here in LA, but I moved there my sophomore year. All my friends were in Sunnydale. I’m sort of glad I didn’t decide to move incredibly far away from home, I don’t know if I could handle it,” Buffy said.

She and Dawson had been getting along great. They had talked everyday, but they were really getting to know each other, and they were finding that they had a lot more in common than they had learned speaking in between colleges.

“Its actually not as hard as I thought. I mean, granted I would love to just be able to drive home and visit whenever I want. And coming out here not really knowing anyone wasn’t easy, but it feels like it was worth it. I mean, I’ve wanted to come to USC as long as I can remember.”

“That’s amazing,” she said, looking at him, almost as if she was in awe.

“What is?”

“That you’ve known all this time what you wanted and you did everything you could to get it. I’ve never been so sure about anything. I didn’t even know it was possible, and here you are,” She explained, “I mean, here I am, and I have no idea what I want in life or how I am going to get it. A lot of people wish they could be as determined as you.”

“I guess I never really thought of myself that way. I just knew that I wanted this, and it didn’t hurt that as soon as I knew I wanted to make movies my dad went out and bought me first video camera. I think I really credit this to them. I don’t think I would be here if they hadn’t done so much.”

“You’re a very lucky person Dawson Leery,” Buffy knew she sounded like an idiot. But there was something about Dawson that amazed her. She wanted to know everything about him that she could find out. He was amazing.

“I tell myself that everyday,” he said smiling softly.

Buffy smiled back, “Ya know, I could really get used to this. Has anyone ever told you that you are very easy to talk to?”

“Not in a very long time,” Dawson said, looking at his watch, “Wow, its getting late. We’d better get going if we are going to make the movie.”

“Yeah, good idea,” she said glancing behind her.

A few tables over Buffy saw a man and a woman dining. The man was obviously a vampire. He looked like he hadn’t seen a fashion magazine in ten years or more. ‘Why here? Why now?’ she thought to herself.

“Ummm, you go ahead. I have to go to the ladies room. Meet you out front?” she asked with a smile.

“Sure,” he nodded, and went up to pay the check.

Buffy walked up to the table, hoping the couple hadn’t seen her dining with Dawson a few table over.

“Honey, I thought you were visiting your sick grandmother in the hospital?” Buffy said, pouting.

“What?” he asked, not quite knowing what was going on.

“You heard me honey. You. Me. Back Alley. Now.” she said with force.

“If that’s what you want,” he said shrugging, “this will only take a second,” he said to his companion, and then glancing at Buffy, “possibly less.”

Buffy led the much larger than her vampire to the back of this restaurant.

“Okay. We are going to do this quick. And without messing my hair, because I have a date out there and I really like him,” she quipped.

“That’s fine with me,” the vampire said, quickly showing his true face.

Buffy pulled the stake from her purse.

“Glad I thought to bring this,” she said, with mild annoyance in her voice. She was really hoping this wouldn’t happen tonight of all nights.

He through a punch and hit her in her right jaw.

“Oh if that leaves a mark…” she said, kicking him in the groin. He got up quickly and punched her in the mouth, cutting her lip.

“Great, now I am going to have to explain that,” she said, rolling her eyes. She pulled the stake, “and for what? So that you could live just a few seconds longer? So not worth it,” she said plunging the stake into his chest.

She walked softly through the back exit, and looked around for Dawson. She saw him standing outside the door.

‘Please say you didn’t see me come in through the back,’ she thought.

“Hey,” she smiled, “Done. You ready to go?”

“Yeah, uh, what happened to your lip? And your jaw?” he said, noticing the slight injuries she had gotten in her fight.

“Oh that?” she asked, with a slight laugh, “have I mentioned how clumsy I am? Because I am very very clumsy,” she said.

“What did you do? Hit your head on the sink?” he asked laughing.

“No,” she searched for an excuse, “I, slipped…and…hit the floor…face first. It was pretty ugly.”

“I’d imagine. That’s a pretty big bruise.”

“Yep. Get used to it. Like I said, I’m clumsy. Get strange bruises and cuts all the time.”

“Clumsy. Got it,” he said with a smile. Something seemed off about her answers, but he didn’t want to press the issue. That would just ruin something he felt was a good thing, and he didn’t really want to do that.

“Yeah, clumsy,” she repeated one more time. She hated having to lie. Especially someone she liked as much as she liked Dawson. But her friends in Sunnydale knew, and that was already too much.

When someone found out all it did was put them in more danger. And that wasn’t something she wanted. She liked Dawson too much to force him into this world of demons. She knew it was the last thing he needed. So she lied. And she hated that.

It never got easier. Her friends probably assumed that it was easy for her now to lie. To make up excuses. She should just be good at it. But she would never be good at it. Its hard to be good at something you hated doing.

But it was something she had to do. No matter what. No matter how much she liked him, or how much they hit it off.

This was just the way it was.

Tell me what you think. I worked my ass off on this. I really hope that shows.

And yes. Its left open for a reason. Keep a look out for the next part.

Finally...A fic.

2003-07-03T05:39:05Z

Author: TopazAngel
Title: Lockdown
Fandom: Dawson's Crrek
Rating: Umm...PG?
Distribution: LG. Anyone else, just ask me...I'll say yes.
Feedback: Much appreciated!
Timeline: After "Falling Down" Episode 4.2
Teaser: Joey goes to a last resort to get Pacey and Dawson talking again.
Disclaimer: I don't own em.
Dedication: Tonnie, who gave me this challenge Pacey and Dawson are stuck in a room together, and got my muse going again.
Notes: This is my first fic after the Great Block of 2003...I hope its not too crappy.

“I don’t know guys…This all seems a little…” Joey searched for the word she could use to describe the plan her friends had come up with for getting Dawson and Pacey speaking again.

“Childish? Crazy? Immature?” Andie listed terms out to Jack and Jen.

“If you ask me they are the childish ones in the situation. We are simply-” Jen was cut off by Jack.

“Giving them a taste of their own medicine,” he said, with great satisfaction.

“Fine, but if they end up killing each other…I’m blaming you two.”

======

Dawson walked into his dad’s office, and tapped on the door. It didn’t take him long to realize there was no one there. He couldn’t imagine why his dad would want to see him after his class, when whatever it was could be discussed at home later in the evening, but nonetheless, he did what the note had told him to do, and went to see his father.

He sat in the chair facing his father‘s desk, who had temporarily replaced the guidance counselor. He tapped his fingers on the chair arms, looking for something to relieve the boredom.

“Come on dad. You’d think if he wanted me here, he would at least be on time,” he said out loud to no one but himself.

“My guess is father Leery isn’t coming,” Pacey said, stepping into the office.

“What are you doing here?” Dawson asked, his voice filled with hate toward the person he used to call his best friend.

“My guess is that we both got the same note to meet with your dad in his office after school. The note which of course was not written by the man that this office belongs to,” he replied.

“Then who was it written by?” He asked, wondering how he hadn’t noticed this wasn’t his dad’s handwriting.

“Me,” Joey said, appearing in the door way.

“Joey? What is this all about?” Dawson asked her.

“I am sick of being caught in the middle of the Dawson and Pacey showdown of the century…So you two are going to stay in here, until you are speaking again…” She answered.

“Joey? Are you insane? This is useless. Pacey and I are-” She cut him off.

“You and Pacey have been friends since any of us can remember…And I don’t want to be the reason that friendship stopped. So instead, I am going to be the reason it doesn’t,” she said sternly. Closing the door and locking it.

======

“Well, it looks like we are officially stuck here,” Pacey said, trying to force the door knob to turn.

“I can’t believe she would do something like this. Like she thinks locking us in a room together is going to help anything.”

“At least she is trying. Which is more than I can say for either of us,” Pacey retorted.

“Well, I am sorry Pacey. I’m sorry I can’t just look at the two of you, in your perfect relationship, and pretend that it doesn’t bother me,” he snapped.

“I’m sorry Dawson. No,” he said, turning to face his former friend, “You know what? I am sick of apologizing. I love her. And I am not going to stop loving her. Just like you are not going to stop loving her. So you can stop thinking that if you treat me like crap for long enough I will. Its not going to happen Dawson.”

“I never asked you to stop loving her, nor will I ever ask you to stop loving her. I am just the only one in this little triangle that is smart enough to realize that our friendship may not be strong enough to weather the storm or whatever cliché Joey wants to use right now. Maybe we are beyond repair.”

“And maybe we aren’t. Dawson, I made some mistakes. I admit to that…But obviously Joey thinks this friendship is worth saving. And to me, that’s enough to try.”

“Well, its not for me,” Dawson replied, his voice cold and uncaring.

“What the hell is wrong with you Dawson?” Pacey asked him.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Joey goes through all this trouble to get us speaking again…Because she cares about both of us…And you can’t even let go of your jealously long enough to try!? I hope she realized what a great friend she has in you,” he said, sarcastically.

Dawson turned away from Pacey, not wanting to give any indication that he thought Pacey a point. He wasn’t being a great friend. And it wasn’t Pacey he was hurting, it was Joey.

“So, what we aren’t talking anymore. I’ll take that as ‘you’re right Pacey’.”

======

“I haven’t heard them say anything for a while,” Joey said nervously.

“Relax Joey, I don’t think either one of them had any weapons,” Jack said with a small chuckle.

“And even if they had, we would have heard the gun go off,” Jen teased.

“That’s not funny,” Joey said, looking at them in annoyance.

“All I am saying is that I’m sure everything is fine,” Jack said, seriously.

“Whatever you say Jack,” she said glancing at the locked door.

======

“This deadly silence is really starting to bug me. You know what Mitch needs? A radio.” Pacey said, trying to break the silence that had possessed the room for nearly twenty minutes.

“Do you mind Pacey, I am trying to pretend you aren’t here.”

“Fine fine. I’ll be quiet. For now. But I don’t know how long I can go on with this all to dramatic pause.”

“Its better than an argument that we have been through more than enough times.”

“Fine. I’ll give you that. But she’s right you know.”

“About what?”

“We can’t do this forever.”

“I don’t know. I think I’d be perfectly happy with that,” Dawson replied coldly.

“Come on Dawson. At least pretend that you don’t hate me. For five seconds?” Pacey asked pleadingly.

“I don’t know Pacey. That’s a pretty big stretch.”

“Okay fine then. You can’t. I’ll accept that. But do you think its too much to ask that someday in the distant future we may be able to give that girl, the one who is probably listening from the next room, her wish, and put aside our immaturity?”

Dawson thought about what Pacey said. All Dawson wanted was Joey, and it hurt him to see her so happy with someone else. The last thing he ever saw himself doing, was being friends with Pacey again. Not after he did what he did knowing that Dawson still loved her.

“I don’t know Pacey. I know Joey has the best of intentions…But I think she wants to live in a world you can have it all…And you just…can’t.”

Pacey let his head hang. He knew Dawson was right. There was no way to ensure that they could fix things, no matter how hard Joey tried. But he wanted to believe there was a small chance they would get back to the way things were. Because it was what she wanted. And more than anything, he wanted to give her what she wanted.

“She doesn’t want it all Dawson. She already has it all,” he said, “She has you, the best friend. She has me, the boyfriend. What she wants, is for us to have a friendship.”

Dawson took the time to let what Pacey was saying sink in. He could tell Pacey had feelings for Joey, and he had never tried to deny that fact. But it was hard knowing that Joey shared those feelings. Especially after everything they had been through together. But she did. And Dawson knew some day he had to accept that. He just wasn’t sure he wanted that day to be today.

“Fine. Maybe Pacey. Maybe someday we can put all of this aside, and just talk about old times. But you know as well as I do that it is just too soon for that.”

======

“Its been a while. Maybe we should let them out guys?” Andie questioned.

“She’s right. If they haven’t made up yet, they aren’t going to,” Joey added, walking to the door and unlocking it.

She saw Pacey and Dawson seated quietly on the chairs that faced Mitch Leery’s desk. Neither were saying anything. But the way she saw it, at least they weren’t fighting.

And that was more than she expected.

And now...I sleep.

Fic time!!!

2003-06-19T05:08:18Z

I wrote it in about 30 minutes-ish...And its unbeta-ed...Not that great.

Author: TopazAngel
Title: Take the Plunge
Rating: Umm. PG
Fandom: Dawson’s Creek
Main Character (s): Doug/Jack
Genre: Sorta Angsty-Romancey Drama
Feedback: Please. It’ll make me feel all confident and stuff.
Distribution: Losing Grip…If anyone else wants it…Just let me know!
Spoilers: I guess slight foreshadowing for the finale. If you know what happens with Doug there…You should be okay…And probably even if you don’t. But if you don’t want to have any idea…Don’t read.
Teaser: Doug has thoughts. Set sometime soon after Doug and Jack…Met up. *g*
Disclaimer: Yeah Yeah. I don’t own em. If I did…I certainly would *not* be writing this…I’d be somewhere in my fancy car driving to my fancy house, rolling in the cash from the syndication.
Notes: Don’t know where this came from. Must be my new found love for Doug that I have had since the finale…But I just really wanted to write something about him. Its POV…So might make it extra sucky. *g* Unbeta-ed
Dedication: Tonya. You should never encourage me. See what happens when you do…You have to sit through SUCKY fic. *smirk*

Sometimes I wonder when I realized Pacey was right about me all along. Sometimes I wonder how my annoying little brother could possibly know before I know.

And then I think maybe I knew all along, but I just didn’t want to admit that he could possibly be right.

Because that wasn’t who I was. I was the oldest Witter son. I was the deputy of Capeside. I was the one that everyone liked. I wasn’t a screw up like Pacey. And could never do anything to let down my parents. Especially my father. Because he wasn’t the kind of guy who would say ‘I love you no matter what’. No. Not my dad.

So, I did everything in my power to prove my annoying little brother wrong. Because that seemed like the right thing to do. Because that was the ‘manly’ thing to do. Not because I truly knew in my heart he was wrong. Because that’s probably the biggest lie known to man kind.

Truth is. I guess I really did always know. I just never really knew anyone who might understand. I never had anyone I could really talk to about any of it. No one in my family cared. I didn’t really have any friends to speak of. Not friends that I trusted with this secret anyway.

Until now.
I always knew that there was one other person like me in Capeside, but it was long before I was ever ready to admit that I was even like me, let along tell anyone else. And then one day he moved back into town. So we started talking.

And it was nice.

And I let it slip. And it felt nice just to be able to talk to someone about everything I was thinking and feeling. Someone who really understood what I was going through.

So that brings us to now. Here I am. Ready to take the plunge. To actually tell my family. Not that I am not nervous, but he means that much to me. I am willing to take the risk of being ‘shunned’ by my dad. Mocked by my brother, who will no doubt say ‘I told you so’.

I nervously stand outside the Witter house, shuffling my feet next to him. Ready to announce that he is more than just a friend. I pause for a second, afraid to ring the bell, but he is right there next to me, giving me a reassuring smile.

And I ring the bell. Its really time. I know I can do this. As long as he is next to me.

Its time to take the plunge.

End.

Chapter One of Untitled Wishverse Epic

2003-05-31T02:56:30Z

Please Read. I worked hard on this...And I am still a little iffy...Otherwise I wouldn't post it until I was done. Leave a comment. Lemme know what you think. I'm friends locking so that no one else can see it yet, and it isn't being posted anywhere but here for the time being.

Cordelia stepped slowly through the hallways. She remembered the days when she owned the school. Everyone loved her. Well, unless they hated her. But nonetheless, she was well known. She was popular. Now that was all irrelevant. No one owned the school. There wasn’t even really a school to speak of. The population of Sunnydale alone was less than five hundred. Well, that is, the living population.

She also remembered when vampires were just a myth.

That was before the mysterious deaths. That was when it could be ignored. Eventually, it wasn’t just something in the back of the residents of the small town’s minds. They couldn’t ignore the facts anymore. And one day they decided that they could prevent anymore people from dying.

And it all lead to this.

Cordelia Chase leaving school at 3 PM, not allowed to drive a car. Sometimes she wished she had been killed the night the master rose.

She could have been. Almost was. But she wouldn’t let herself go out like that. So she fought back. She was one of the few who survived.

Sometimes she felt guilty for that, but then mentally kicked herself. Letting herself remember that guilt wasn’t in her character.

She walked through the hall, and noted the storm clouds rolling in. It was dark already. The residents of the small town had learned the hard way that a cloudy day with no direct sunlight meant it wasn’t good to go out alone. Too bad her friends had already left for the day.

Something they had learned was that it was best to travel in groups. Walking the streets of Sunnydale was never safe. There was more in the shadows than just vampires. She didn’t feel like taking any chances.

She pushed open the swinging doors to the library. She wouldn’t dare be seen near the place during the school day, but desperate times called for desperate measures.

“Figures you losers would still be in here,” She said flippantly to the three students sitting at the library table with books in front of them.

“Cordelia.” Oz stated. He had always been a man of few words.

“To what do we owe this…pleasure?” Larry asked, teasingly.

“Well, as much as it pains me that I have to come to you losers…” she began, “And it pains me to ask you people for help, “she looked down sheepishly, “I don’t want to walk home alone,” she whispered the last part, not really wanting to let her pride slip.

“Aww, Is poor little Cordy scared?” Larry said, mockingly.

“Larry, do shut up,” Giles said, his voice filled with annoyance as he walked out of his office.

Larry just rolled his eyes.

“Well, I’m not walking with her,” he insisted.

“Oh big loss,” she said, with a snort.

“I’ll drive you,” Giles said, breaking up what was sure to become an argument if he didn’t step in, “Oz?”

“I’ll keep an eye on things,” he nodded.

“You know Cordelia, you don’t actually come in the library much,” Giles said as they walked through the swinging doors into the abandoned hallway.

“I have better things to do than spend time in a dark library with a group of losers!” she stated.

“Yes, of course,” he replied dryly.

“Sorry,” she mumbled, “didn’t mean to offend you.”

“Its quite alright. I understand how a dark library filled with musty old books may not appeal to a teenage girl.”

“The whole place is pretty depressing. Did you ever think of spicing it up a bit?” she asked brightly.

“Spicing it up?” he looked at her, thoroughly confused.

“Ya know. Add some color…” she trailed off, realizing what she had said, “Right. Color bad. Stick to browns, blacks, and grays and you won’t attract vampires…” she looked down at her own wardrobe.

Her clothes used to be so vibrant. They helped to show off her bright personality. She liked pretty things. She liked colorful things. But that was all against the rules now. Everyone looked so bland…So…The same. No one really stood out, and that was the point. If you stood out, you were destined to be a vampire’s next meal. So no one could really stand out. Cordelia really hated that.

“There’s a storm moving in,” Giles said, looking up at the mid afternoon sky. It had gotten darker in the fifteen minutes Cordelia had spent walking to and from the library.

“Its getting dark. I need to get home. Mom and dad, well, they won’t really worry, because they aren’t in town, but they’ll call, and wonder where I am.”

Giles nodded and lead her to his car, or what could almost pass for a car.

“You actually drive this?” she asked, looking at the librarian in shock.

“Well, yes. It gets me to and from the school. That’s enough as far as I am concerned,” he retorted defensively.

“Okay, but if we end up stranded, its your fault.”

*****

The drive to Cordelia’s house was fairly silent. She gave him directions. That was it. Its not like the two had anything to talk about more than the recent deaths in town. That was really all anyone had to talk about. And Cordelia hated talking about death.

She was aware that she was surrounded by it. Every time she started to get close to someone they were taken away. They died. Or they were turned. It was too common in Sunnydale for her to think about it when she didn’t have too. And Giles knew that. Not just in her case, but with all of the students.

Even the ones that helped him fight. They had it the worst. They volunteered because they sought vengeance. Each one of them had lost someone. And he had organized a small group to aide him in taking out as large a population of the demons they could. Though it never seemed to work. They fought. The killed. It never really helped.

The vampires just made more. It was a never ending battle. Everyone in the town knew that.

It was all too much to think about. Let along talk about.

He pulled into the long drive way that lead to her home. It was one of the largest in Sunnydale. Her family was fairly wealthy compared to most of the other families that were left in town.

“Well, thank you,” she said. There wasn’t much feeling in her voice. There never really was. Cordelia had a reputation for not really caring, or at least that’s what Giles had gathered from listening to the students who helped him.

“Yes, well, it was no problem,” he said, slightly smiling.

She smiled and nodded, walking briskly into the house. It was starting to rain, and as much as she hated her bland wardrobe, she didn’t want an outfit that had cost over a hundred dollars to be ruined.

As if on cue, the phone rang as soon as she walked through the door and sat down her bag.

“Hello?” she picked up on the first ring.

“Cor!” the girl on the other end said enthusiastically. Her voice was so sweet, it was easy to tell she wasn’t being sincere.

“Harmony. Hi!” Cordelia said. Her tone was almost sarcastic, as she rolled her eyes.

“Oh my God! Cor! I need you to prove me right about something!”

“What is it Harmony?” Cordelia seemed almost uninterested in whatever the other girl had to say.

“Michelle swears she saw you driving home with,” she paused dramatically, “the librarian!” There was disgust in the girls voice, “Its not true is it…Because Cordelia, that’s social suicide!”

“Better than actual suicide!” she said in defense, rolling her eyes, ‘Leave it to Harmony to prioritize,’ she added in her mind.
“So its true!?” she gasped in disbelief.

“Yes Harmony, its true,” she stated. Sometimes it was so hard to get through to the girl.

“But WHY!?” she asked.

“Well, since my friends all left without me, and it was overcast…Ya know, I really didn’t feel like dying today,” she deadpanned.

“Yeah well, when this gets out-” Cordelia cut her off.

“It is out Harmony! Do you realize that our little group is half of the senior class? I ‘m sorry if I’d rather take my chances at committing ‘social suicide’ than becoming vamp food!” Cordelia lost it. She hung up on her friend, not really caring if she wanted to ‘throw her out of the loop.’ There was no loop anymore.

After years of pretending that it was nothing. After going through life pretending that it didn’t bother her that almost everyone in her life had died.

Cordelia couldn’t take it anymore. She couldn’t pretend it didn’t matter.

End Chapter One.

I'll try to get Chapter 2 out tomorrow or Sunday.

Finally...A Fic

2003-05-15T04:49:44Z

Here's a little short PG rated Wes/Lin fic.

Author: TopazAngel
Title: A Little Light Conversation
Rating: PG
Content: Eh. Nothing bad.
Pairing: Wesley/Lindsey
Feedback: PLEEEEEEEEEEEEASE
Distribution: SU, Acts of Fate, Begging for Rain, anyone else just ask.
Teaser: Set post TSILA, Lindsey and Wesley meet up. Yeah, that’s about it. Its really just a short conversation. But I guarantee, there will be a sequel…With actually kissing.
Disclaimer: Not mine. This never happened…Oh but if it had…
AN: Yeah Yeah. There is a mistake. Call me on it if you want but I already know its there. So don’t make a big deal. It may be so small you look over it, so I am not even gonna tell you what it is. ;)
Dedication: Tonya for being my beautiful beta girl. Even though I caught the mistake after it was too late, and waaaaay after you read it…I still love you girly! J And to Ambs, cause she helped the betaing process, and we are soooo tempted to start a site together for these two.

Wesley sat at the bar. He didn’t really feel up to going out in the first place, but Cordelia wanted to do something, and Angel and Wesley had agreed with all she had been through, it was best not to say no. She deserved a night out.

“Come on Wes, Just one dance! Pleeeeeaaaase?” Cordelia whined. She was determined to get both Angel and Wesley on the floor at some point that night.

“Cordelia, I really just don’t feel like dancing. I have just gotten out of the hospital,” He pleaded.

“Come on Cordy, just leave him alone. He needs to stay off his feet anyway. You don’t need to dance with both of us, lets go,” Angel said, taking her by the hand.

“Fine,” She said, rolling her eyes, “but you mister,” She said, looking at Wesley, “are going to have fun at SOME point.”

Wesley turned to face away from the dance floor. He casually sipped on his scotch. This was really the last place he wanted to be. It was loud. It was smoky, and the people there weren’t exactly the type of people he liked to keep company with.

“I didn’t expect to see you here,” Another man said, taking the seat beside him. It took Wesley a second to recognize him.

“Aren’t you evil?” He asked the other man.

“Evil is such a strong word,” He said teasingly.

“Well, you basically sold your soul for a bigger office, and then helped your law firm attempt to murder me and Cordelia. I think I would use the word evil,” Wesley said, bitterly.

“Oh come on, you would have done the same thing, anyone would have,” Wesley looked over at him with an annoyed look, “okay okay, probably not anyone,” he said, putting his hands up in surrender.

“What exactly do you want?” It wasn’t hard to catch the annoyance in Wesley’s voice.

“What? A person just can’t come up to another person at a bar and start a conversation?” He asked, feigning innocence.

“No.” Wesley said dryly.

“Has anyone ever told you that you are a very cynical person Wesley?” He asked, a charming smile forming across his face.

“Has anyone ever told you that you are a very annoying person Lindsey?” Wesley deadpanned.

“Fine Fine. You can say what you want. You think I am annoying. I think I would go with persistent,” He argued.

“Yes, you are a very persistent person, who won’t even tell me what you want.” He said, with a small roll of his eyes.

“I told you I just wanted to talk. Saw you sitting alone. Thought maybe you could use some company.”

“Why do I have a hard time believing you?” He asked, getting more annoyed with the lawyer by the second.

“I don’t know,” he shrugged, “it’s the truth.”

“You know, I don’t understand why I can’t make myself believe you. You seem so trustworthy after all the betrayal and lying.”

“Look, I really just wanted to talk, but if you don’t want to give me a chance, that’s fine,” he said getting up from the bar stool.

“Wait,” Wesley said, almost immediately regretting that one little word.

Lindsey turned back around, “What?”

“I suppose it couldn’t hurt to at least give you a chance,” he said softly.

“I knew you’d say that eventually,” Lindsey said with a soft smile.

“You know, eventually you will have to tell me what you want for me,” He said, not so annoyed as before.

“You have to stop that Wesley,” Lindsey replied.

“Stop what?”

“Always assuming that just because someone talks to you, they want something.”

“Well, when someone I see as an enemy comes up to me at a bar, I don’t automatically assume that he has the best of intentions,” Wesley said, seriously.

“You gotta have more faith in people,” he replied.

“I’ve tried that. It doesn’t always work,” he said softly.

“How did you get to be that way?” Lindsey asked him.

“What way?”

“So bitter. I mean, really Wesley, you have friends. You’re alive. And yet you are one of the most bitter people I have ever met. How is that?”

Wesley looked over to the dance floor. He saw Cordelia and Angel, smiling and laughing. And it hit him that Lindsey was right, even though that was the last thing he wanted to admit to himself. He really had no reason to be bitter.

“Suppose I actually care what you say, which I don’t, why are you even bothered by my being bitter?” Wesley asked.

Lindsey shrugged, “Honestly? I don’t know. I just do.”

“This may sound odd, but for some reason, I actually want to believe you,” Wesley said, a soft smile forming on his lips.

“Wesley, is that a smile? Well, that’s something I didn’t expect.”

“Well, there comes a point where someone annoys you so much you can’t help but laugh,” he teased.

"I knew you’d come around," he nodded toward the dance floor, "I’d better get going,
Angel is on his way over, and we don’t have the best history. Here," he said, handing Wesley a business card, "Call me if you ever feel like being annoyed."

Wesley stared as Lindsey walked away from him, and out of the club.

“Hey Wes, who was that?" Cordelia asked.

"It was nobody."

"Well, Nobody," She glanced toward the door leading out of the club, "was a wearing a *really* nice suit."

“Hey Wesley, are you ready to go?” Angel asked his friend.

“Oh yes,” Wesley answered, slipping the card Lindsey had given him into his pocket, before Angel or Cordelia had the chance ask him about it.

End.

Please review. That said. I am serious about that sequel.

Wes/Cor friendship FIC!!!!

2003-04-25T22:30:55Z

Author: TopazAngel
Title:
Rating: PG/PG13
Content: Angst
Genre: Angst
Pairing/Character: Wes/Cor
Feedback: PLEASE
Distribution: Acts of Fate, Silverlake, Shippers United, anyone else just ask
Spoilers: Inside Out
Teaser: Alternate ending to “Inside Out”. Wesley needs to kill Cordelia instead of Angel. The fic takes up as Wes walks into the warehouse where Cordelia is giving birth.
Disclaimer: Me no own. Joss does. But I have issues at the moment…So for now lets pretend that’s not true.
AN: I had writers block, and asked Tonya (my wonderful beta) for a challenge, and this is what she came up with!!! I hope it works…And also gotta thank Rach who took over beta-ing when Tonnie had a Tornado warning and had to leave.

It shouldn’t have to be this way. Us against her. Cordelia is the first person that I ever felt I could trust. She has always been so much more than anyone thought or expected. I guess in a way that’s still true.

She is the last person I could have expected. Cordelia. One of my best friends. Until I chose to kidnap Connor, and mess up everyone’s lives. So, I have to wonder. Is this all my fault? If I had made a different choice last year, would I be here now, on my way to find my best friend and kill her?

I can remember everything that has happened between us for the past six months. It’s so hard to believe this is the same person. This is the girl that I danced with at her senior prom. This is the woman that I saw go through the transformation from a selfish teenager to a woman who cared far more about any of her friends than herself. She would have done anything for Angel, for any of us…And this is what she has become. And now it’s my job to get rid of her.

I couldn’t make Angel come down here. He wanted to. But I know, as well as he, that he would not be able to kill her. He loves her. Not to say that I don’t love Cordelia. I do, but not in the way Angel does. He can’t be expected to do this. Its my duty. We owe it to Cordelia to make sure that this thing using her body, doesn’t do anymore damage. Its already done enough.

I really don’t think it has settled in that she’s the one who killed Lilah. If it had been Angel, at least I could believe in my whole heart and mind that it wasn’t really him. Knowing that it was Cordelia…I want to believe that something is controlling her, and she isn’t doing these things. Not Cordelia. But it is a possibility. What if she is her? She killed Lilah. Cordelia. Not Angel.

I can hear something in the next room. Cordelia’s screams. Its all I can do to hope that it isn’t too late. That she hasn’t given birth to whatever she has been carrying. I still can’t believe his has to be done. Cordelia. All of this has been her. All of it. And this is the moment it comes down to. I shouldn’t hesitate. But I do.

Another mistake. I step into the room. It’s too late. I see her. Her body lying on the floor. She is gone. Not dead, but certainly not anything resembling alive. I walk over to where she is lying. It’s too late. I messed up again. Cordelia has given birth to God knows what, and I could have stopped it.

I can’t bear that she will ever know that. That if she ever awakes again, she'll know that I messed up again. That allowed this birth to happen. She'll know I could have stopped it, but I messed up again. I can't bear the thought of her knowing...

I wonder for a second, if I should put her out of her misery. Ensure that she never knows that I didn’t stop her when I could have. Of course I don’t. I curse myself for letting the thought even cross my mind. I couldn’t kill her when I needed to. How could I do it when I don’t? My eyes scan the room for Connor. He is gone. I assume he has left with whatever Cordelia has given birth to.

I am careful as I lift her body from the ground. I have to help her. I have to make up for what I have done. I carry her out of the warehouse. Suddenly the fact that she killed Lilah doesn’t matter. The fact that she has been using and manipulating us for the past six months is irrelevant. I look down at her. She looks so helpless. She looks like Cordy. She looks like the kind hearted woman that I have known for the past four years. I look at her intently.

“Its okay Cordelia. You’ll be okay. I promise,” I whisper to her softly. I mean it. I am not going to mess up this time. I won’t let her or anyone down again.

THE END